Akatsuki Madness!
by Sanashii
Summary: So you thought Akatsuki was a boring, evil organization that lusted after the tailed beasts power to take over the world and cause it to end and then rebuild it their own way? Correct with the exception of the term 'boring'. Oh they are most definitely not. Perhaps insane with a dash of randomness and fun. (To be replaced or deleted all together)
1. TOBI IS IN AKATSUKI!

**Sanashii: Yo! My first ever comedy fiction! AND ABOUT AKATSUKI! YAAY! ENJOY!**

**Sakura: By the way, in this, Madara is NOT Tobi. Tobi is his goofy self. Madara does NOT make an appearance. Yaay for me!  
**

**Yoshi-chan: Why do you feel relieved that he is not?**

**Sakura: Cause in all of Sanashii's fanfics he always have to be the person to attack me blah, blah, blah.**

**Alice: This does not involve you guys much. This is an AKATSUKI one right?**

**Sanashii: Either way, Madara will not be making an appearance unless I decide to make fun of him. NO OFFENSE FOR FANS! I REALLY LIKE SAKURA AND MADARA COUPLE TOO! **

**Sakura: SANASHII! **

**Sanashii: GYAA! HELP! SASUKE!**

**Sasuke: I hate you cause you heart the Madara and Sakura couple.**

**Sanashii: I LIKE YOU AND SAKURA TOO! I HAVE LOTS OF FAVORITES! Sakura whats that? IS THAT A SHOT GUN? GYAA!  
**

**Yoshi-chan: Right. Let's leave those idiots alone and present the show shall we?**

**Alice: True. Read and Review people**

* * *

Pein sighed as he walked through the halls of the Akatsuki lair. 'Yet another day of those idiots making me crazy. Jeez.' he thought.

Suddenly he heard and explosion. '_'THAT WAS ART UN!''_Pein heard Deidara scream.

"_ART IS SOMETHING THAT EXISTS FOR A LONG TIME! NOT SOMETHING WHICH EXPLODES THE MINUTE YOU MAKE IT!" _Sasori's scream followed.

Ignoring it, he walked on. It wasn't long before he heard a shattering sound of lass from the kitchen.

"DAMMIT HIDAN! YOU BROKE ANOTHER DRINKING GLASS!" Pein heard Kakuzu yell and felt a twitch come on to his eye.

"SHUT THE *** UP! YOU ACT LIKE A MOTHER TO BE WORRIED AOUT EXPENSES!*

"I CAN'T ALWAYS SPEND MY MONEY YOU KNOW! LAST WEEK YOU CUT UP THE SOFA! AND YESTERDAY DEIDARA BLEW UP THE LIVING ROOM COUCH. AND A FEW DAYS AGO KISAME PULLED OUT THE TOILET SEAT OFF BECAUSE HIS PET BABY SHARK GOT FLUSHED! GOD KNOWS HOW HIS SHARK GOT INTO THE TOILET! DAMMIT I ALWAYS HAVE TO PAY FOR THE EXPENSES!"

"SHUT THE **** UP YOU *******!"

Leaving their loud _conversation _he walked on. Everyday was kind of the same. He wished something exciting could happen. 'DAMMIT WHAT AM I THINKING? This is AKATSUKI. A criminal organization. Not a fun house. But somehow, everyone is like kids. Jeez. Am I the only one who has common sense?' He thought.

Somehow...he had a feeling that something was gonna happen today...

"Or maybe I am reading too much fanfiction again." He muttered.

* * *

Away on top of a hill, a masked boy stood while facing against the wind. He raised his arms up to the sky and took a deep breath before letting out an ear shattering yell.

"TOBI SO LONELY! TOBI WANNA FRIEND! TOBI WANT LOTS OF FRIENDS! LOTS AND LOTS!"

No response came, save for his echo. But the boy was happy nonetheless, he heard _some _response. But sine this continued everyday, the kid was beginning to tire of the routine.

This had been going on for god knew how long anyway. But as he was about to turn away, piece of paper that had been traveling with the fast wind, slapped onto his face. He took it off his face and looked at it. It was a poster to find more Akatsuki Members. Going as follows:

_**Akatsuki member needed.**_

_**Absolutely needed qualities: A criminals mind, must be a ninja, must have had a bad experience, reasons why to join Akatsuki and COMMON SENSE.**_

_**Those interested, go to the Akatsuki hideout in 64 dark alley in Iwagake. **_

_**That is all.**_

_**One more thing, buy an akatsuki uniform before interview.**_

Tobi grinned. "YAY! TOBI FIND LOTSA FRIENDS IN ATASUKI!" He yelled. Never mind the fact that he couldn't spell the word correctly, he was more happy than ever.

* * *

Pein sat at his computer, browsing the internet. "Hmm. Let's see now. What's this?" He said clicking a naruto fanfiction. Concentrating, he read it...not realizing it was a yaoi fanfiction...

Bye the time he read the half of it, his eyes were wide and had a bit of nosebleed. Also his mind turned a tad perverted.

"Leader?" Deidara's voice came.

"YAII!" Pein screamed pushing the computer away. "Are you spying? You can't prove anything! The evidence is destroyed!"

Deidara sweatdropped. "What...evidence for...what un?" he asked.

Pein stood there, fixed in his stance. "Uh...nothing! What do you want?" He asked going back to his composure.

"There is some weirdo wearing a mask the shape of a lollypop saying he wants to join Akatsuki un." Deidara said.

Pein thought about it. "Why...another member sounds good. But why did he all of a sudden?" He asked.

Deidara handed him a flyer. Pein took a glance at it. "Shoot, must have been one of those missing posters."

"So should I blow him up un?" Deidara asked, happiness almost radiating from him.

Pein sighed. "No. I'll see if he's qualified. Maybe we DO need a new member." He said going off to meet Tobi.

* * *

"So. What is your name?" Pein asked.

"TOBI!" Tobi replied happily. Maybe TOO happily. It made the leader uncomfortable.

Pein saw a small piece of paper stuck to his uniform and sweat dropped. "You DO know the price tag is still attached to that cloak right?" He asked.

Tobi looked back. "OH NO! TOBI WILL TAKE IT OFF!" He yelled taking it off at once.

"Okay..." Pein said. "Did you do any bad things yet?"

Tobi grinned. "NOPE! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" He yelled.

Pein sighed. "Sorry Tobi but Akatsuki is a BAD organisation so you have to be a BAD boy to join." He said.

"But Tobi wants to join Atasuki!" Tobi whined.

"It's AKATSUKI. And no. You can't join till you do something bad. Bye-Bye." Pein said walking away.

"BUT TOBI WANNA FRIEND!" Tobi yelled. "TOBI...WANTS...NOT TO BE ALONEEEEEE!"

* * *

Deidara saw Pein return from his 'meeting'. "How'd it go un?" He asked.

"He's not joining. Too...childish." Pein muttered.

"But I thought you wanted Akatsuki to be a bit more lively un?" Deidara asked.

Pein rubbed his chin as though as he had an invisible beard. "Hm...I DID say he could join IF he did something bad." He said thoughtfully.

"Bad un?" Deidara asked. "I think he is trying his best."

Pein looked at him. "Why'd you say that?" He asked.

Deidara pointed behind him and Pein turned to see Tobi with...a chainsaw.

"TOBI DO BAD! TOBI JOIN ATASUKI!" Tobi yelled.

"IT'S AKATSUKI!" Pein and Deidara yelled.

"GHAAAA!" Tobi yelled taking the chainsaw and running towards Deidara.

"GET AWAY FROM ME UN!" deidara yelled running away.

Pein watched as Tobi ran after Deidara all around the place. "Idiots." He muttered.

Suddenly, the chainsaw ran out of electricity (or whatever).

"HAHA! TAKE THAT UN!" Deidara yelled laughing.

"TOBI GOT A BETTER IDEA!" Tobi yelled and took out a...lawn mower from nowhere.

"DEAR GOD!" Deidara screamed running once again. Tobi ran after him. Deidara then ran past Pein and Tobi went straight at Pein.

"YIPES!" Pein yelled jumping to the ceiling and holding on it like a cat.

At that moment, Kisame entered.

"YAA!" He screamed as Tobi ran towards him with the lawn mower but it was too late. Tobi ran the lawn mower over him which resulted the hair in the middle of his head to be completely shaven off.

"YAAY! TOBI DO SOMETHING BAD! TOBI CHOP OF MR. DOLPHINS HAIR!" Tobi yelled gleefully, jumping up and down.

"I'M A SHARK NOT A DOLPHIN! AND wait...what? Chop? Hair?" Kisame asked and rushed to the bathroom.

Pretty soon, they heard a girlish scream and a thud.

"Is Tobi in Atasuki now leader? Leader?" Tobi asked looking around. AT that moment, Pein fell down flat on his face.

"OH GOODIE! IS TOBI IN ATASUKI NOW? IS TOBI? HUH? HUH?" Tobi asked.

"It's AKATSUKI. And if you stop bugging me, yes, you can join." Pein muttered.

"YAAAY!" Tobi yelled. "TOBI IS IN ATASUKI!"

"IT'S AKATSUKI!"

"Sorry."

* * *

**Sanashii: And that concludes our first chapter of Akatsuki Madness! How'd you like it?**

**Miharu chan: Comedy fiction rules.**

**Yoshi chan: You said it. **

**Alice: READ AND REVIEWW!**


	2. Konan

**Sanashii: THANKS YOU! THANKS YOU FOR THE REVIEWSS! I LOVE YOU ALL! ENJOY!**

XxXxXxXx

"And this, Tobi, is the one place you are never, never, NEVER allowed. I repeat NEVER allowed." Deidara finished his tour around Akatsuki.

Tobi eyed the door labeled 'Enter and explode un.' "What's here?" He asked curiously.

"My stuff." Deidara answered and walked away.

"WAIT DLEIDALA SENPAI!" Tobi yelled. Deidara glared at him. "IT'S DEIDARA UN!" He yelled.

"Sorry! Sorry! Tobi very sorry!" Tobi said raising his hands up. Deidara sweatdropped. 'What's with his happy attitude?' He thought walking again.

"Akatsuki is a secret organisation and we have no time for fun and games un. Akatsuki members must not talk much unless they are requested by the leader or when on a mission, or when explaining something that involves art un! And also-" Deidara started his lecture but was interrupted by Tobi.

"Senpai you talk too much. Eh heh. Heh. Heh heh." He said. Deidara stoof frozen for a minuted before sending a glare his way.

"ART IS A BANG UN!" He yelled throwing clay bombs at him.

"YAIIII!" Tobi yelled.

XxXxXxx

"And that's what happened un." Deidara muttered. Pein shook his head.

"You know very well that you are not to loose your cool as a Akatsuki member Deidara. Furthurmore, you attacked Tobi just cause he said you talk too much. You really have short temper." He said.

"Senpai's temper is like his bag of exploding bags. He'll blow them up any minute!" Tobi said.

"TOBI I'LL KILL YOU!" Deidara yelled.

"Deidara. Tobi. I got two words for you. SHUT-UP." Pein said twitching his left eye. "Anyway. Do me a favour and call all the Akatsuki members here. NOW."

Deidara and Tobi rushed out and came back a minute later with all the Akatsuki members behind.

Pein walked in front of the Akatsuki members like a military general.

"Now men, it is important that we must remain secret all the time. We are the Akatsuki. We must NOT let ourselves down. We will strike fear in hearts of animals!" Pein said.

Itachi raised his hand.

"Yes Itachi?" Pein asked.

"I think it's supposed to be 'hearts of PEOPLE.' Not animals." Itachi muttered.

"No. Well...it's animal's cause we haven't been actually...been SCARING any people. So animals it is." Pein said.

"Do fish count as animals?" Kisame asked.

"Kisame. We are NOT scaring YOU." Pein said sweatdropping.

"I KNOW! I AM NOT A FISH! I'M A SHARK! S-H-A-K!" Kisame yelled.

"You missed the R." Deidara said.

"Kisame senpai looks like a...dolphin." Tobi said.

"?" Kisame yelled.

Hiden kicked his rear. "SHUT THE **** UP! YOU ARE MAKING MY ******* EARDRUMS BURST!" He yelled.

Kakuzu punched Hiden. "You are no better! Now shut up before everyone goes deaf! Or I'll have to pay the hospital bill!" He growled.

"SHUT UP EVERYONE!" Pein suddenly yelled.

EVeryone widened their eyes and huddled in one corner.

"NOW GO DO EVIL! TO PEOPLE! I MEAN PEOPLE! NOT ANIMALS! GO! GO! GOOO!" Pein yelled. All the Akatsuki members ran off. Pein sighed.

'Seriously! We need a SERIOUS member!' He thought. Suddenly a knock came on his door. Pein went and opened it. "Yes?" He asked.

"I'd like to join Akatsuki." The person said with an evil smile. Pein also gave an evil smile. "You look VERY suitable for the task. Come in. We need to test your jutsu and your knowledge level." He said. The person chuckled and entered.

AkaAkaAkaAka

Deidara twitched his eye. "Remind me again Sasori. Why is lollypop mask following us?" He asked.

"Because he has to wait until he we have another member and then he'll join that person." Sasori said.

"Why can't he join Zetsu?" Deidara asked.

"Because Zetsu might eat him." Sasori answered.

BONG. Deidara and Tobi gew pale. "Don't...say...that..." Deidara muttered clattering his teeth. "You seriously...scare me."

Sasori glared at him. "STOP THAT! TOBI SCARED!" Tobi yelled.

Surprised, Sasori staggered back and fell into the bushes. A thud. NO wait...TWO thuds.

Deidara and Tobi looked and saw that Sasori had fallen on a pink-haired girl.

OMG. He was touching her...her...private organ...

"PERVEEERRT!" The certain pink-haired girl screamed and started pounding him to a bloody pulp.

"Can Tobi do evil?" Tobi asked.

"Wait un! Or that lady might kill us!" Deidara muttered.

Then they saw a mini Itachi with no line things near his nose come.

"SASUKE KUN!" The girl said, stopping her punching.

Tobi grinned. "TOBI TURN!" Tobi yelled and went towards Sasuke.

"WAIT TOBII!" Deidara yelled.

But Tobi went over to Sasuke. "Look what's that on your shirt?" He asked.

Sasuke looked down. Instead of pulling up his nose, Tobi punched him in the jaw knocking him unconscious.

"SEE! TOBI TRICK BOY!" Tobi yelled dancing.

"He knocked him out..." Deidara muttered to no one in particular.

Suddenly, an evil...EVIL aura was surrounding the girl.

'HOW DARE YOU HURT SASUKE KUUN!" She yelled beating Tobi up.

"NO! TOBI GOOD BOY! HELP DEIDARA SENPAI! OWW! YOUCH! THAT HURT! SENPAIII!" Tobi yelled.

Deidara jumped into the fight and took Tobi by his collar and ran...dragging Sasori as well.

AkaAkaAkaAka

Pein twitched his eye. "Well...I can't say I didn't expect this but I am highy disappointed."

"KAKUZU! You spent all your time counting money! You didn't do a single good! I mean BAD! HIDAN! What's with your rituals huh? You made the 4 tailed get away!"

"The woman was too cranky." HIdan muttered.

"SILENCE! KISAME! How is making Dolphins watch teletubbies evil? ITACHI! WHAT THE HELL DID _YOU _DO?" Pein yelled.

"I put a clown under a genjutsu." Itachi said.

"A...clown? Where'd you find him?" Pein asked.

'The Circus." Itachi answered.

"Okay...moving on! DEIDARA! TOBI! YOU TWO GOT BEATEN UP BY A GENIN! THAT TOO A GIRL! HUMILIATING!" Pein yelled.

"But leader! The girl killed Sasori!" Deidara whined.

"She...killed...Sasori? A girl...she...Sasori?" Pein asked turning white.

Tobi and Deidara nodded.

"Okay...scary...Zetsu! What did YOU do?" Pein demanded.

"I ate a village from a baby." The white Zetsu.

"Don't you mean BABY from a VILLAGE?" Pein asked.

**"No." **The black Zetsu answered.

Everyone got chills and goosebumps.

Pein sweatdropped. "Okay. With the exception of Zetsu and possibly Itachi for ruining entertainment, you are all NUMBSKULLS! Which is why I took the liberty of taking in the final and the best member!" He said.

The door of his office banged open and a blue haired woman with a aflower in her hair stood with a EVIL smile on her face. The boys swore they saw a streak of lightning go across the room.

"Akatsuki, meet Konan. She is our new member and so far, proves to be capable, intelligent and strong. Welcome to Akatsuki, Konan." Pein said.

"Thank you leader." Konan said with a bow.

Then she turned towards the boys.

"LOOK A HERE! SOMEONE GET MY BAGS! THE OTHER ONE ARRANGE MY ROOM! THEN I WANT THE REST TO COLOR MY ROOM WITH BLACK AND GREY! AND I WANT YOU ALL TO STEP ON IT! HURRY!" She yelled.

The boys sprung into action.

Pein chuckled. "You are one heck of a woman." He said.

"Thank you leader Sama." She said bowing once more.

"Drop the formalities." Pein said watching the struggling Akatsuki with amusement.

"Uuh...Tobi has a question!" Tobi said.

"Yes Tobi?" Konan asked.

"Can Tobi give you a foot massage? Tobi read in a magazine that foot massage makes a lady who traveled long less cranky." Tobi asked.

"WHAT THE HELL TOBI!" Deidara yelled trying to fix the wallpaper in Konan's room.

Konan smiled. "A foot massage is just what I need. And fetch me a delicious snack and a cold drink while you are at it." She said walking away.

"ON IT!" Tobi said rushing into the kitchen.

"What the..." Itachi said.

Kisame gulped. "Scary. And Tobi has no clue." He said an dthen looked at Itachi. "How are the black cloud designs going at the celing?" He asked.

"I AM NO ARTIST SO SHUUT THE-Uh oh!" The ladder which Itachi was on toppled. Luckily, he didn't fall, but the can of black paint did, and on Kisame's head.

"Paint...bad for sharks." Kisame choked before falling anime style.

"DAMMIT! NOW I HAVE TO PAY HIS HOSPITAL BILL!" Kakuzu yelled.

"SHUT UP KAKUZU AND GET BACK TO WORK!" Everyone yelled working their pace.

"Dammit all." Kakuzu cursed.

"Yaay! Kakuzu finally curses!" HIdan sai dhappily.

"SHUT UP AND WORK!" Everyone yelled.

"Sorry."

**Sanashii: Hope you enjoyed it! **

**Yoshi-chan: Better.**

**Alice: Yeah. SHe has a LOT of homework to catch up to.**

**Miharu: I still think she should be a bit responsible.**

**Sanashii: ENough of making me feel guilty guys...READ AND REVIEW!  
**


	3. The Get Rid of Konan Plan

**Sanashii: Thank you guys! You are so great! I love you all! Enjoyyyy!**

XxXxXxXXxXxXXx

"I can't TAKE this ANYMORE!" Itachi yelled.

"Stop screaming already and get that meal ready un! Konan is gonna be mad un!" Deidara said poking the dust cloth at him.

"Itachi san looks funny in an apron." Tobi said.

"TOBI GET OUT!" Itachi said pointing the knife at him.

But Tobi already clicked a photograph. "Konan Sama said to get a photo of Itachi San in an apron and she will reward me with a lollipop!" He said running off.

"TOBIII!" Itachi yelled attempting to run after him. But his maid dress got in the way. (sorry Itachi fans! I am one too =.=) and fell to the floor.

"Ouch. My nose." Itachi said standing up and rubbing his nose.

"Get to cooking Itachi San. What are you making anyway?" Kisame asked.

"Hammerhead shark fin soup and great white shark cooked meat." Itachi muttered.

Kisame turned pale and screaming he ran away from the kitchen.

"I seriously am starting to get sick of being bossed around by Konan." Hiden said dumping vegetables in the pot.

"Yeah." Itachi said slicing shark meat.

"Say. Let's do one thing." Kakuzu said entering.

"What?" Itachi asked.

"GET RID OF KONAN!" Kakuzu said.

Hiden and Itachi looked at each other and then grinned.

"Let's do this! Assemble all the Akatsuki members minus leader and Konan! NOW! But let me finish adding salt to this soup..." Itachi said returning to his soup.

"You are really into this aren't you?" Hiden asked sweatdropping.

XxXxXxX LaTeR XxXxX

Itachi walked in front of the Akatsuki members. "Men. We have only been the members of Akatsuki. No female dared to intrude. But now we are faced with a problem. A FEMALE INTRUDER! She has taken control of our leader and Tobi! We must free them! In order to do so, we MUST get RID of this intruder female! WHO IS WITH ME?" He said, finishing his annoyingly long speech.

"WE ARE!" Everyone yelled.

Zetsu raised his hand.

"Yes Zetsu?" Itachi asked.

"How are we gonna defeat Konan? She's despicable." He said.

Itachi rubbed a fake beard. "How about we all go separately?" He asked.

"Sounds good. Who'll go first?" Deidara asked.

Everyone took a step back leaving him in the front.

Deidara looked around and then sighed. "Very funny guys. You are ALL despicable. Say Itachi, you were already in the front. Why don't YOU go first?" He asked.

"Not me because I beat you on the first day you came, I am more powerful and I am an Uchiha. Plus, I am leading this mission." Itachi said with a smug look on his face.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Deidara yelled and stomped off.

::Konan's room::

Deidara knocked on the dreaded room. The door opened and Konan stood there. "What do you want girl-man?" Konan asked.

"I AM NOT A GIRL!" Deidara yelled.

"Whatever. Why are you disturbing my precious minutes?" Konan asked.

Deidara sighed. 'Here goes my life.' He thought giving her a nicely packed gift.

"What's this?" Konan asked taking it.

"A gift for being a great Akatsuki member." He mumbled. 'And for being a GREAT PAIN in the NECK.' He added mentally, going away.

Once in the living room, he hid behind the couch and raised his first two fingers. "Art is a BOOM." He muttered, smirking.

He heard a loud explosion. "YESS! I SUCCEEDED! YESS! OH YEAH BABY!" He screamed jumping out and dancing.

"Oh dear me. I wonder what happened to your room." A female voice suddenly said.

Deidara slowly turned and turned white. "K-K-K-K-K-Konan?" He stammered.

"I think you really did a wonderful ARTWORK to your ROOM." She said going away, smirking.

Deidara rushed to his room to find it completely blown to pieces. No fire. But blown to pieces.

"MY ROOM!" He yelled.

(Kisame's attempt.)

Konan slowly walked through the halls of the lair, on her way to the Kitchen. Taking a glass, she opened the refrigerator door. A HUGE shark jumped out snarling.

"HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT EVIL WOMAN! YOU ARE NON MATCH FOR HIS ENORMOUS-ITY!" Kisame yelled jumping out from under the Kitchen table.

Konan emotionlessly picked up the shark.

"?" The shark said looking questioningly at Konan. Walking over to the sink, she squeezed it through the drain and flicking her hair back with a smirk, went over to the fridge, took out a water bottle and drank her thirst away. Then spotting a dead fly, she picked it up and went out, but not before putting it into the open mouth of the frozen Kisame.

"MY SHARK BABY! DON'T WORRY BABY! MOMMY'S COMING!" Kisame yelled squeezing through the drain, and yes, swallowing the fly. (*gag*)

(Hidan's attempt)

Konan walked to the living room and sat down on the sofa. 'Weird day.' She thought taking the remote and flicking on the Big screen television. "Alright Death Note! Thank you Animax!" Konan said.

After a while, she decided she was hungry. 'I'll go fix myself something to eat.' She thought.

"YOU DWEEBS! I'M HUNGRY!" She yelled. "HEY YOU DWEEB HIDAN! GET ME POPCORN, TWO HOTDOGS, ONE SODA POP, A PIZZA, 3 SANDWICHES, A BOWL OF STEAMING RAMEN, TAKOYAKI, SPAGHETTI WITH NAPOLEON SAUCE, A BURGER AND TOBI AND ZETSU!"

Hidan poked his head into the living room. "You wanna EAT TOBI and ZETSU?" He asked.

"Get my food, the slave and the human dustbin now!" Konan ordered.

"Would you like gold dust sprinkled on your food your highness?" Hidan asked sarcastically.

"Yes." Konan said smugly.

"Kakuzu is gonna kill me." Hiden muttered going into the kitchen to prepare the food.

"Let's see, popcorn, 2 hot dogs, soda, 3 sandwiches, ramen, Takoyaki, Spaghetti and a burger." He muttered looking at the list.

::Soon..::

"Done!" Hiden said grinning. "Now, for the final ingredient!" He said taking a packet of...instant death powder?

"MUHAHHAHAHAHAH! MUHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Hiden laughed dumping the packet whole into the food.

"HIDAN QUIT THAT MANIAC LAUGHTER! I'M WATCHING DEATHNOTE! AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD?" Konan yelled.

"Coming~!" Hidan sang skipping to Konan with the food.

"Your highness." Hiden said keeping the food on the table with fake politeness. Konan eyed Hidan suspiciously. "Where is Zetsu and Tobi?" She asked. Hidan bowed and yelled.

"TOBI! ZETSU! GET ASS OVER HERE!" Hiden yelled.

A while later, Tobi came, dragging Zetsu with him.

"NOOOOOOOOO! NOT KONAN! TOBI LET ME GO OR ILL EAT YOU!" Zetsu screamed.

"Zetsu. Sit." Konan ordered. Immediately, he sat down. Hiden sweatdropped.

"EAT." She said pointing to all the delicacy. Zetsu drooled.

"Oh no. No. NO. NOOOOOO!" Hiden yelled as Zetsu gobbled the food down.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP. That was good." Zest said. He stood up to leave and dropped to the floor.

Hiden stood there wide-eyed.

"Tobi, order a pizza for me now." Konan said smugly.

"YES MADAM!" Tobi yelled running away to the phone.

"So...ruthless..." Hiden choked out going to his room and taking his scythe, he pounded himself with it...

(Kakuzu's attempt)

"200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205..." He counted his cash.

(Itachi's attempt?...)

It was now 12 pm at night...

Konan was sleeping soundly in her room when suddenly...

"ALRIGHT KONAN! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"A voice screamed.

"What?" Konan asked. "I am TRYING to sleep. What the **** are you doing in my damn room?"

"YOU KILLED MY TROOPS! AS THE CAPTAIN, I SHALL NOT LOSE! AHAHAHAHAH! DIE YOU EVIL FIEND!" Itachi laughed maniacally.

"So THATS what the dweebs were doing today." Konan muttered turning on the lights.

"Itachi?" She asked.

"Yes evil woman?" Itachi said.

"Thanks for the comment. Why are you wearing a military captains uniform?" She asked.

"SO THAT I CAN KILL YOU!" Itachi yelled pointing his gun at her.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!" Konan yelled.

"NOT UNTIL I KILL YOU!" Itachi yelled.

"You wanna do it the hard way huh?" Konan asked rolling up her sleeves.

xXxXXxXxXxXXxXxXxX

**_BANG. BOOM. CLASH. _**

Pein woke up immediately. "WHATS WITH ALL THAT RACKET?" he yelled. Growling, he walked off the bed and to where the noise was coming from...Konan's room.

"Hey Konan! What are you doing in there?" Pein asked.

Silence now. He pressed his ear to the door and dropped his jaw to the floor.

He heard creaking of the bed and moans.

"HOLD STILL!" he heard Itachi's voice.

"OWW! LOOSEN UP WILL YA! THAT HURTS! NOT SO DEEP! NOT SO DEEP! OWW-Mff!" Konan's voice was saying.

"Eeeh...WHAT THE HELL?" Pein yelled knocking the door down...only to find Itachi tying up Konan.

"MFF! MFF!" Konan tried to say something but failing because she has a gag tied around her mouth. But it all wasn't necessary. Because they both swore they saw steam coming out of his ears...

(Later...about 3 in the morning)

"So THATS what it was all about. No wonder everyone had to go to the hospital today. I was wondering where all that injury came from." Pein said.

Everyone nodded miserably. 'YOU are the one who gave those injuries to me.' Itachi thought.

"I expect you all to give up your plan because Konan is staying in Akatsuki. I am not losing a true evil member." pein said. Konan smirked.

"Everyone, apologize to Konan." Pein ordered.

"Sorry Konan." Everyone muttered.

Tobi walked up to Konan and sniffed. "Tobi thought Tobi was a good boy! Did Tobi do something bad?" He asked.

"Of course not Tobi. Leader, everyone should be punished with an exception of Tobi. He was very good and kind to me." Konan said.

"Very well. Everyone from now on should respect Konan and Tobi. Hear me?" Pein asked.

"SURE." Kisame muttered.

"We are following a NOOB." Deidara cried anime style.

"Now, why didn't Zetsu attend this meeting?" Pein asked.

Hiden took a flower pot out of nowhere. A mini Zetsu was planted in it.

"WATER ME OR DIE!" He squeaked.

"He got poisoned so we brought a plant revive powder from eBay. The side effect was this. he'll grow back to normal in a week." Hiden grinned.

"Okay. Since things are back to normal, everyone back to sleep. Its frikkking 3 in the morning." Pein sighed.

Everyone left. Konan bent over leaders table, to his face. "Thanks for helping me LEADER." She said pecking on his face.

"AHAHAHAHA! I-Its n-no p-problem a-at a-all! Y-You ca-can c-call m-me P-Pein if y-you want!" Pein shuttered, turning red.

"Goodnight then, PEIN." Konan said going out.

"What a woman." He sighed. He hadn't noticed Itachi said standing there.

"DON'T TELL ME THE REASON YOU ARE KEEPING HER IS BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER!" He yelled.

"She is evil, seductive and hot. What more in a woman could you possibly want?" Pein sighed.

"I think someone has been reading too much porn magazines." Itachi muttered.

"Nopz! Naruto fanfiction!" Pein said grinning like an idiot.

"Eh..." Itachi said twitching his eye and then fainted.

**Sanashii: WHOO! Sorry for the late update! Hope you enjoy!**


	4. Ununununun

**Sanashii:I needed ideas for the coming chapters and this chapter was difficult to think of too. So...enjoy? and yes. I know I was late in updating the chapter cuz I was in my exams . Gomenadsai!  
**

* * *

Deidara was just walking along the halls, wondering where is idiotic teammate must be. 'Good riddance.' he thought. 'Some peace and quiet un.'

"DEIDARA SENPAI!"

NOT. He sighed. This was ridiculous. "Deidara. Deidara." He kept on saying. "Deidara,. Deidara. Deidara. Deidara. Deidara. Deidara. Deidara...Senpai. Senpai. Senpai. Senpai. Senpai. Senpai. Senpai. SENPAI...Artist freak. Artist freak. Artist freak. Artist freak. Artist freak. Artist freak. Artist freak. Artist freak. Deidara. Deidara...DEIDARA SENPAI THE ARTIST FREAK!"

He cracked. "FOR GOD SAKES WHAT UN?" Deidara yelled. Tobi stared at him. "HI~!" He said. Deidara fell face flat. "Is...that...all un?" He asked.

"NOPE~!" Tobi said. Deidara stood up. "WELL WHAT IS IT UN? SPILL IT UN!"

Tobi eyed him curiously. "Why do you always say UN?" He asked pointing. "Force of habit un." He shrugged.

"But if you keep on saying un, you'd keep on repeating it over and over and over right?" Tobi asked. Deidara sighed. This was somehow giving him a bad feeling. "Personally, I'm not sure un." he replied. 'Try t!" Tobi said.

* * *

A while later...

* * *

"UN U UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN!" Deidara kept on saying. He wasn't doing it! His mouth mouth was.

"SENPAI! YOU CAN STOP NOW!" Tobi yelled alarmed, eyes wide. 'I can't stop!' Deidara cried bitterly on the inside while his mouth chattered the 'UN' s away.

"DEIDARA!" A voice boomed. Uh-oh. The leader has arrived...

"WHAT'S WITH ALL THE 'UN'? YOU CAN QUIETLY SAY IT!"

"UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN!"

"Deidara?"

"UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN!"

Pein looked at Tobi who was wide-eyed. "What happened?" he asked. Tobi finally noticed Pein. "LEADER SAMA! TOBI TOLD HIM TO SAY UN A FEW TIMES AND HE'S REPEATING IT! Tobi thinks he can't stop." He replied.

Pein looked back. "We have to cure this before nightfall." He muttered rubbing his chin. "Why?' Tobi asked curiously.

"I suppose you are one who can sleep with all this un." Pein crossed his hands over his chest. "GET THE OTHERS!"

Tobi ran away quickly to follow his command.

* * *

Once everyone was assembled, Pein stood in front. He cleared his throat. ''Okay people. We are faced with a difficult situation. As you might HEAR...Deidara cannot stop his habitual word UN now. We need to do all we can to stop it."

Itachi raised his hand.

"Yes Itachi?"

"How do we get rid of it?" he asked.

Pein grinned evilly. "Number one remedy for hiccups and uncontrollable words and most possibly, annoying fangirls...A GOOD SCARE." He said creepily. Everyone except Itachi huddled together in a corner while he laughed evilly.

"I can do better than that." He said smoothly. Pein glared at the Uchiha. "Oh yeah? Bring it on!"

Itachi smirked. And then..."MUHAHAHAHAA!" Pein's hair stood up and so did everyone else's.

Slowly, he turned away. "Lets all...go and cure Deidara shall we?" He said, his voice quivering.

* * *

TRY **_1 :D  
_**

* * *

"UN UN UN U N UN UN UN UN!" Deidara kept on saying as he passed through the halls. ''Where is everyone?'' He thought continuing his un's.

Suddenly...POPPED OUT A CLOWN!

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed. He was none other than Kisame.

Deidara stared at him. "UN UN UN UN UN UN UN." He continued.

"I SAID GRAAAAAAAW!" Kisame yelled.

"UN UN UN UN UN UN UN..."

"!"

"U N UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN UN..."

"I GIVE UP!"

"UN UN UN UN UN UN..."

"ARRRRRG!"

* * *

Try 2 :)

* * *

"Sit Deidara." Hidan sat down Deidara in a couch in fake politeness.

Deidara could only yell his 'un's out while wondering why this freak wasn't cursing his butt off.

"Now, do you want a cup of tea?" The Jashin worshipper asked. Deidara nodded uncertainly.

Hidan skipped made his way to the kitchen and making the tea, he suspiciously looked around to see if anyone was following. Then, he took out a packet of...POWDERED INSTANT BABY GOBLINS!

(Wait what?)

"Just add liquid." Hiden smiled opening the packet and not bothering to read the rest of the instructions. "Now where to put it?" He muttered.

"Ah yes! SUGAR!" He grinned dumping the sugar out of the container and putting the powder in its place. Then, he walked to where his 'GUEST' was.

"Here. You may choose your amount of sugar." He said handing both to Deidara who eyed the sugar.

'Purple sugar? A new brand?' He thought sniffing it. 'Smells good. Oh well...'

He poured the whole powder in and stirred it. Hiden waited in suspense and Deidara raised it to his lips and DRANK IT!

"Mmm..." He sighed gulping it all down while poor Hidan watched in awe.

"One minute!" He said running into the kitchen and picking the packet up.

"Add to liquid. But do not stir for the effects will be 'stirred up'" He completed the whole sentence.

"At least he stopped the un's..." He sighed in disappointment and relief.

(disappointment that his plan didn't work out the way it should have and relief that th annoying un's stopped...or not?)

On cue, the annoying un's re-started. This time along with HICCUPS!

"Hic-un-hic-un-hic-un-hic!" The blonde went as he began rolling over the floor.

"DAMN IT ALLLL!" Hidan yelled.

* * *

Try 3... ^_^

* * *

Kakuzu was counting his money and the un's and the hiccups were getting on his nerves.

"Five hundred and fifty seven..."

"HIC-UN-HIC-UN"

"Five hundred and fifty eight.."

"HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN!"

"Five hundred and fifty nine..."

"HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN!"

"Hic and un...hic and...WHAAT? DAMN IT DEIDARA!"

"HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC-UN-HIC!"

Okay. that hit it He ran to the phone and snatched the reciever up. "HELLO? DOCTOR! IS THERE A DOCTOR!" he yelled.

"Hello this is Konoha hospital what may I do for you?" The other end said.

"I NEED THE BEST DAMN DOCTOR AT TH AKATSUKI HIDEOUT WOMAN!" He yelled.

Silence and then there was a scream as the phone went bee~ep.

Kakuzu looked at the phone. "THAT CALL FOR NOTHING? THE BILL IS GOING UP!"

* * *

Try 4... -_-

* * *

Zetsu was stalking Deidara as he went by in his chatter. Where was he? (In a flower pot. =A=")

"**Shut up or I will eat you!" **Black Zetsu growled. Deidara stopped in his tracks and turned fearfully.

HICUNHICUNHICUNHICUNHICUN!" he yelled running away.

"I was joking..." White Zetsu muttered.

* * *

Try 5...-_-"

* * *

Tobi wanted to succeed in curing his senpai. He looked at ancient medicines and remedies and found a very interesting technique...

(Little while later)

"SENPAI!" He yelled dragging him into the bathroom.

"HICUNHICUNHICUNHICUN!" Deidara cried trying to run away.

"COME ON SENPAI! INTO THE BATHTUB!" Tobi yelled.

"HICUNHICUNHICUN!" Deidara cried trying to run away as he caught sight of the _water _in the tub No. It wasn't water...

"COME ON SENPAI! BOILING LAVA WILL BURN THE UN'S OUT OF YOU!" Tobi yelled trying to drag his senpai away into the bathtub of doom.

"UNUNNNN!" Deidara yelled finally running away.

"SENPAIII!"

* * *

Try 6 . =_='

* * *

"Useless fools." Pein muttered fixing his hair. Finally he was ready. He would make history! He took a torch along with him

Walking towards Deidara's room, he knocked. "It's me Pein. I gave the other members a sever scolding for disturbing you."

He heard the Deidara walk towards the door and he readied himself.

As soon as Deidara opened the door, Pein put the torch on and ...

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed showing his face.

Deidara stared at Pein in shock and then fell back. 'UNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUN!" He yelled.

Pein noticed the hiccups were gone. But the un's weren't! He cried. He was so not going to sleep tonight. Where the hell was Itachi?

* * *

FINAL TRY.

* * *

"Could you remind us WHY we are waiting?" Pein asked irritated. He failed a mission...The LEADER _FAILED_ a mission! A disgrace! He would rather sulk alone in his room and yet he was being ordered around by Itachi!

Itachi smiled grimly. "The time for us to attack the blonde patient has not arrived yet my dear master." He spoke respectfully, which annoyed the leader to no end.

"!" Poor Deidara who was tied to a chair with metal chains kept on blabbering in fright. His skin was blue now...

"If he keeps on, he's gonna turn WHITE." Zetsu laughed.

"Aren't YOU half white Zetsu?" Kisame laughed.

"Well aren't YOU on the blue today?" Zetsu growled.

"Who's uglier? YOU!" Kisame retorted.

"...I'll eat YOU. Then I won't be ugly won't I? Besides, shakr fin soup is a great delicacy. I wonder if Samehada tastes like chicken." Zetsu smirked. Kisame immediately shut up.

There was a knock on the door which Itachi rushed to recieve.

Pein was nodding off. He was bored enough already.

"Hello Deidara." A soft feminine voice was heard.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" A the boys minus the leader, Tobi and Itachi himself huddled to one corner.

Deidara turned white that instant and screamed. "THE MURDURER!" He yelled running away.

Pein stared blankly into space for a minute. "Wait...He stopped...DID I MISS ANYTHING?" He yelled.

Itachi shrugged. "Everyone is scared of Konan. I figured it would do the trick." Sure enough, no un's were heard.

"Where were you today?' Pein asked. Konan smiled. "I found a friend named Sakura. She was VERY strong, powerful, nice..." SHe kept on talking while eveyrone turned pale.

"Isn't SAKURA the one who killed Sasori?" Itachi asked.

Pein nodded. "I had enough drama. I'm going to sleep." He muttered. Everyone yawned and went off to sleep while poor Deidara stayed awake, in fear of women...

* * *

**THIS TOOK LONG ENOUGH! I know. But I am currently very SICK. TT^TT May be furthur delays people. MAYBE.  
**


	5. HHHHAUNTED HOUSE!

**Sanashii: Ano I'm sorry for the uh...mistake! I accidentally uploaded the wrong chap for the previous chap but its fine now! I fixed it! Now...why no reviews? -glares-  
**

**Chiharu: Because its less interesting?**

**Sanashii: NO ITS NOT! **

**Kasumi: Dai dai I see something! AAH FANS! ITS ITACHI!**

**Miharu: Did he just run away when he saw you?**

**Kasumi: With a DREAMY blush on his face...**

**Miharu: NO he was scared of your face.**

**Kasumi: GAAAAH! -Lunges at Miharu and starts fighting-**

**Sanashii and Chiharu: Read and review.**

**Kasumi: DIIIIIIIE! MUHAHAHAH! -throws bombs-  
**

**Miharu: YEAH RIGHT! -Takes out a gun-  
**

* * *

...

_CRAAAAASH!_

"GET BACK HERE TOBIIII!"

"NO!"

"YOU ATE ALL MY COOKIES!"

"I LOVE COOKIES!"

"SHAAAAARE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"THEN DIE!"

* * *

Itachi was minding his one business and walking slowly through the halls like some evil guy (which he is..) ready to take over the world (even though that is Pein's job) when suddenly...

He thought he heard the word STAMPEDE when he heard tapping of fast running feet and the next minute... SPLAT

* * *

"Hmm hmm hmm..la la la laaaaaaa~ THERE YA GO MY PRETTY LITTLE SHARKIE!" Kisame kissed the fishbowl which had his new baby pet shark in. (He replaced water of it)

"I know you will grow up to become a fearless monster who will eat Zetsu and-" He was interrupted when the bathroom door began to shake and pound.

"LEEME IN WHOEVER IN THERE! TOBI DYING! TOBI BLOWING UP!" Came the voice.

"GO AWAY TOBI!" Kisame yelled.

"GAAAAI! I KNEW DEIDARA SENPAI WAS FROM AL QAEDA! YIKES! RUUUUUUUUN~!" Then, there was nothing. Just when Kisame sighed in relief, the bathroom door...EXPLODED.

"Oww..." He muttered as he picked himself up and brushed whatever dirt there was. "Huh?" He said picking up a weird blue thing which looked like HAIR.

"MY HAAAAAIR!" He screamed as he stared at his new bald head. "YOU GUYS WILL PAAAAY!" Then he stood quiet.

"My baby? Sharkie? SHARKIE NOOOO!" He screamed again as the shark swam through the toilet bowl. A hanging plank just HAD to fall on the flush button and...

"NOOO! WAIT SHARKIE! POPPY'S COMMING FOR YA!" He jumped into the bowl...

* * *

"WHAT'S WITH ALL THE RACKET! I'M TRYING TO ******* SLEEP YOU ******!" Hidan yelled from his room.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Tobi screamed running past him.

"Huh?" Hidan said. Too late. CRASH!

* * *

"Five hundred thousand and two...five hundred thousand and threee..." Kakuzu counted.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"...Five hundred thousand and four..."

"YOU'RE DEAD TOBIIII!"

"...Five hundred thousand and five..."

"NOOO SEMPAIIIIIIIIII!"

"GRAW!" Kakuzu shoved his money back inside his huge safe an bolted it. Then grabbing a handful of cash he made his way out.

"OI! BAKA! TAKE THIS MONEY AND SHUT UP!" He threw the money out.

"THANK YOU!" Tobi grabbed it and started making balls of them.

"MY MONEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Kakuzu yelled, alarmed. But tobi hung them over a candle and lighting them, threw them at Deidara. "DIE SENPAI!"

"NO BAKA! I'M HOLDING LIGHTER FLU-"

**_KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM._**

* * *

Pein looked up angrily from his work. 'What's with all that noise? And the sun just rose up!'

**BOOOOOOOOOOM!  
**

He started writing faster. His newest plan to take over the world and capture the kyuubi was going to be a success! Tilting his head back, he once prepared for his 'evil genius' laugh.

**BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTT!**

He covered his mouth. "I did NOT just do that!" He muttered shocked. How the hell could he sound like a...a...

**BBTBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTT!**

"Wait a minute...that's a trumpet!" He shot up.

"I DECLARE WAR AGAINST YOU ADMIRAL TOBI!" He heard Deidara yell.

"YOU SHALL DIE COMMANDER DEIDARA SENPAI! YOU CANNOT SURVIVE AGAINST THIS IMPENETRABLE VENUS FLYTRAP!"

"THAT'S ZETSU YOU IDIOT!"

"HUH? Oh...ZETSU! EAT COMMANDER DEIDARA SENPAI!"

"TOBI YOU CHEATEEEEERRR!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIII THE BOMB IS ON THE TV!"

On cue Pein heard a deafening explosion.

"They better have NOT!" He quickly flew out of his office and the sight before him nearly made him faint. If he wasn't such an evil genius (self proclaimed of course) he would have gotten a heart attack, fallen to the ground gasping for air, run a hospital bill, made Kakuzu faint, run another hospital bill, have hoards of worried fangirls at his hospital room and then finally died.

"NONNOOOOOOO!NOO! NOOOOOOOO!" He screamed.

There was no living room. The couch and the tv was completely blown. The ceiling and the floors were pitch black. He slowly staggered out into the hall.

"PEIN SAMA!" Konan ran to him. "IT'S HORRIBLE! TOBI AND DEIDARA ARE CAUSING HAVOC! ITACHI IS COMPLETELY FLATTENED, KISAME CAN'T GET HIS HEAD OUT OF THE TOILET BOWL, HIDAN WON'T GET DOWN FROM THE CEILING, KAKUZU IS GOING OT FLOOD THIS PLACE WITH ALL HIS CRYING BECAUSE $100 GOT BURNT!"

Pein nearly dropped his jaw to the ground. What he saw exactly matched her description of the place.

"Heeellppp meeee..." A hand shot up to his robe.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled jumping it the ceiling. "ZETSU! WHEN DID YOU TURN INTO A ZOMBI?"

"Not only meee..." He groaned. 'Water! Give me WATEEERRR!"

Konan tossed him a water bottle.

"WATER! MUHAHAHAHAH! MUAHAHAHAH! WATAAAA!" He grabbed it.

"Let's escape." Pein muttered running off. Konan followed.

"Oh..." he muttered as he saw the condition of the rest of the place. "That's it..."

"Huh?" Konan strained her ears to hear better. "Speak up!'

"THAT'S IT!" He yelled. "GET THE BLOND AND LOLLYPOP MASK HERE NNOWWW GRAW!"

"Deidara and Tobi?" She asked uncertainly.

"YES THOSE TWO! HURRY UP AND KICK THEM INTO MY OFFICE DAMMIT!"

Konan saluted and then ran to catch them with a grin on her face. Pein chuckled.

* * *

One minute later...

* * *

"AAAAAAAHHH!" The two screamed as Konan kicked them into the office.

"Itaaaiiii! Oww owww..." Tobi picked himself up and rubbed his arm. "Tobi arm hurts!" He whined.

Deidara scoffed. "Serves you right yeah! I wish Konan punched your face instead un!" he rubbed his poor head which had a swelling the size of a large frying pan.

"TOBI MAD BECAUSE DEIDARA SENPAI TOOK AWAY TOBI CHAINSAW!"

"YEAH WELL I'M MAD BECAUSE YOU ATE ALL MY COOKIES UN!"

"WELL TOBI-"

"ENOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUGHHH!" The dark voice boomed. Frozen completely, the two turned to face their leader, towering over them like a banshee...only that he was a male...and that his face looked the like the worst nightmare...

"HAVE YOU TWO REALIZED WHAT YOU'VE DONE?" He barked, making Tobi jump onto his senpai and hug him like a teddy bear.

"YOU FLATTENED ITACHI, SHAVED KISAME'S HAIR TO THE ROOTS ND GOT HIS HEAD STUCK IN THE TOILET BOWL THANK GOD HE CAN BREATHE IN WATER! THEN SCARED HIDAN TO THE ROOF AND HE'S REFUSING TO COME DOWN ND MADE KAKUZU FAINT THREE TIMES IN A ROW OF THE HOSPITAL BILLS AND FOR THE LIVING ROOM WHICH IS COMPLETELY BLOWN TO PIECES! HAVEN'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AT ALL? I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE!"

Silence...

"WELL? ANYTHING TO SAY AT ALL?"

Deidara dropped Tobi to the ground and then smiled sheepishly. "Well er...can we just say it just happened...in an accident...un?" He asked weakly.

"THOSE TYPE OF ACCIDENT'S DON'T OCCUR!" Pein roared. "DEIDARA WAS LIKE THE AL QAEDA AND TOBI! YOU WERE LIKE SOME COMMANDER JUST MAKING HIM BLOW EVERYTHING UP!"

"It all started when Tobi ate my cookies un..." Deidara muttered. "He wouldn't share."

"I bought those cookies fair and share." Tobi protested.

"Its fair and SQUARE. But you have to share anyhow!"

Pein just stared at them with a gaping mouth and bulging eyes. 'All that...for cookies?' He thought seeing stars.

"Err pain sama?" He heard Tobi ask.

"Are you okay un?" Deidara asked.

"BOTH OF YOU TO YOUR ROOMS! NOOWWWW!"

The two ran away at once and Konan ran in. "How'd it go?" She asked.

"We have to find a way to stop those two idiots for good!" He snarled sitting up on his chair.

Konan handed him a cup of coffee. "I got an idea." She said with a smirk.

"Oh really? Well speak up!" He said cheerfully. Konan was the best person who could think of evil EVIL plans...next to Itachi of course. But he was half dead in the hospital with a screaming Kakuzu...

"Do you know that incident where Tobi went crazy? The week before two weeks ago before last month?"

"...Eh?"

"...I am talking about the incident where he thought goblins were in the basement, trolls in the bathroom and Sauron was trying to take over the world when Hidan bought that ring online from Ebay."

Pein furrowed his eyebrows together. "So? What does that..." Suddenly he realized what she was talking about.

"Ahhhhh...of COURSE! MUAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!"

"I'll get the others to dress up like ghosts." Konan grinned and started walking. But Pein stopped her.

"No. I have a BETTER plan...MUAHAHAHAAA! Now...get those two into Itachi's car. Since he can't drive I will."

Somehow, Konan thought he was suddenly...VERY...VERY.._CREEPY_.

* * *

Half an hour later

* * *

Deidara looked up at the house...no...MANSION looming over him. He noticed that for some odd reason, there were storm swirling over it and the sky looked grey.

But he knew that the sky was blue and clear less then a mile away from this place.

_CREEEEEEPPPPYYYYY..._

"Ohhh...Ahhhh..." Tobi said as he. "Whoaaaaa..."

"WHAT ARE YOU OH AH WHOA- ING ABOUT BAKA UN!" He yelled kicking him.

'We have to stay in the creepy place as payback for smashing the hideout? DAMNIT UN!"

Pein looked at his list.

''Dead grass check, dead black trees check, rusty gates check, large mansion which looks haunted check, torn curtains check, cobwebs check, spiders check, bats check, slime check,..."

"Whatcha reeeeading?' Tobi asked.

"YAAAAAAAH!" Pein jumped. "TOBI GO AWAY!"

Tobi whined. "Why? Tobi good boy!"

"If Tobi was a good boy, tobi wouldn't have trashed whole of hideout!"

"But!" Tobi's voice grew more high pitched than usual. "LEADER SAID TOBI MUST BE A BAD BOY TO JOIN AKATSUKI!"

Konan chuckled. "He does have a point Pein."

"I didn't mean he had to literally trash our house dammit!" Pein growled. "AWW HECK! LETS GO!"

Deidara just turned around as the car disappeared over the horizon. "THEY DISAPPEARED! THE NERVE UN!" He yelled.

"Jeez Tobi! Let's go find something to eat un! I'm starving un!" He muttered.

When he heard no answer, he looked around. 'Tobi?' he thought.

"TOBI!" He yelled. Had the little nutter run off? THAT BETRAYER! Right on cue, adding to his frustration, it began to pour cats and dogs.

Something creaked and he spun around to face the house again. The door had somehow opened.

'Did he get in?' He thought. He laughed nervously. Would he? Or did the wind blow it open?

"DEIDARA SENPAIIII!" Tobi suddenly pounced on him from behind. Surprised, Deidara screamed bloody murder.

"DAMMIT TOBI DON'T DO THAT! YOU SCARED ME! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING RUNNING AWAY ONE MOMENT AND THEN-" He kept on yelling while Tobi just stared at him.

Unknown to him, someone was watching them from inside the house. The _thing _pressed its hands to the window.

Deidara meanwhile, was getting goosebumps. The chilling rain was half the reason. The other one was that his sixth sense was telling him that someone or rather some_thing _was watching him.

He spun around quickly. He sighed in relief when he saw no one and nothing but the creepy house. That's when he saw the hand impression left on the window...

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

* * *

Pein kept on laughing evilly and even Konan was getting scared.

"Are you sure those two will be OK?" She asked making Pein stop his maniac laughter.

"Of course not!" He said in a matter of fact way. "Those nitwits are going to pay! The haunted house is going to scare the _living _daylights out of em!"

Konan laughed uneasily. "But who's gonna scare em? You didn't let anyone in our group to dress up!"

Pein shrugged. "I got that all planned. I hired some very scary ghosts!" He laughed. "Let's see they get out of this!"

Konan scratched the back of her head. "Um...can you actually hire _ghosts_?" She asked.

Pein shrugged again. "Hey. If we can be evil and still have fun like normal shinobi, why can't we hire ghosts?"

He left, leaving Konan to wonder what exactly was the relation between the two. And who the hell did Pein really hire!

* * *

"COME IN DEIDARA SENPAI!" Tobi yelled. He was in the house, safe from rain and lighting and was trying to convince Deidara to take cover as well.

"NEVER YOU HEAR ME? NEVAAAA!" Deidara yelled. The lighting then striked him, leaving his hair standing.

"DEIDARA SENPAI! YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE LEADER SAMA'S HAIR! ONLY WAY LONGER!" Tobi yelled.

"Gee thanks." Deidara muttered trying to (and unsuccessfully) get his hair down.

"YIKES!" He yelled as lighting striked near to him. 'WATCH IT YOU STUPID LIGHTING! GO STRIKE SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!"

In response, the lightning kept on trying to zap him.

"HURRY! IN HERE! IN HERE!" Tobi waved to the now running Deidara. Having realized stepping inside the house was his only choice, he ran in.

The lighting stopped immediately but the rain continued.

"YOU TRICKSTER!" Deidara yelled.

**_ZAP!_**

"Ow.." Deidara muttered after a long while of silence.

"Let's go in the house an explore!" Tobi skipped inside. Deidara sweat-dropped.

"You sound like that stupid little cartoon girl who appears on kid's channel."

Tobi clapped his hands. "DORA THE EXPLORER!"

"Yeah...that midget.."

They stepped inside the house and looked around warily. The interior was the same decoration of what they expected in haunted houses.

The usual cobwebs, torn wallpaper, spiders, bats and stuff.

It made Deidara feel better. "Jeez how lame un." He laughed. But Tobi looked frightened out of his wits.

"S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SCARY!" He pounced on Deidara. Deidara shook him off.

"Its juts a house un! Now lets just find some food and two rooms which are not demolished un!"

"Demolished?"

Deidara sighed. "Meaning...NOT DESTROYED!"

"Ooohhh!"

Rolling his eyes, Deidara began walking around the place, looking for the kitchen.

"AHA!" He said once he spotted the place. Walking up to the fridge, he held his breath before opening it. If it were unused than probably it smelled horrible.

But when he opened it, he found it literally overflowing with food.

"Wow. Smart leader." He sneered taking out a loaf of bread, meat and other stuff he needed to make a nice, big sandwich.

Keeping the stuff on the table he once again searched the fridge to see whether there were coke bottles. Sure enough he found some.

Taking one in his hand, he then went back to the table, only to find the food missing!

"TOBI! I DON'T LIKE SUCH JOKES UN!" He yelled.

There was no reply.

"Jeez." He started rummaging the fridge again after placing the coke on the table.

When he came back with some more stuff, the coke bottle was gone.

"THIS AIN'T FUNNY TOBIII! UNN!" He yelled. He was starting to get irritated.

This time, after keeping the food on the table, he pretended to rummage the fridge again, only this time, he was secretly eying the table.

To his ultimate surprise and horror, the food started floating and flew out of the room!

"THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED UN! TOBIIIIIIIII!" He himself flew out of the kitchen.

"TOBI WHERE ARE YOU UN! TOBIII!"

He ran to the door and tried to open it. "LOCKED? HOW CAN THAT BE WE JUST ENTERED! I KNOW I'LL USE-"

He held up and empty clay bag.

"My explosion clay...I'm doomed." He muttered. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He started banging.

"Waaaaiiiit. Leader set this all up! I'm not supposed to get scared!" He laughed slowly calming down.

"Yeah! He did this! But then...where is Tobi the fraidy cat?" He widened his eyes when he heard a bloodcurdling, high pitched scream.

Instead of rushing to save his teammate, he ran under the table and hid. He wasn't worried for Tobi ran faster than him (having more experience in running away from his bombs and crazy ninja other than Akatsuki and Snake people of course)

"Please don't find me crazy ghost un! Please don't find meee un!" He wished out loud.

He thought he saw a white dress go across him then, in a quiet way. "Whep!" He covered his mouth.

"Grrrraaaa...grrrrrrr...raaaaaaa..." A choking sound came. It reminded him of the death rattle someone used to do very well back in the hideout...

'Konan!' He grinned jumping out of the table and tackling the woman. "hahaahaha! I got you un!" He declared.

"SENAPI NOOO!" He heard Tobi call. "SHE'S THE GHOOOOST!'

Slowly Deidara looked up at Tobi who was being held captive by...by...

"A GHOST UNN!" He yelled jumping up. The ghost had short black spiky hair, red eyes, pale skin, sharp teeth and was dressed in a blue yukata.

"A VAMPIREE!" he screamed again.

"GEEEEEEET OFFF HEEEEERRR!" The male ghost growled. Deidara looked down and saw that the female ghost looked way creepy with that glowing green eyes and loooong unidentified hair color in the dark...

"CRIPESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" he jumped to the ceiling.

"Hello." Another male voice chuckled right behind him. Slowly he looked behind and found himself face to face with glowing red eyes, canine teeth and... spiky yellow hair?

"ANOTHER VAMPIRE!" He jumped as he saw the hanging upside down guy in a cloak.

"ITS TWO VAMPIRES AND A WRATHFUL ONRYO*!" Tobi yelled.

"I KNOW YOU IDIOOOOT UNNN!" Deidara began to run.

"Oh wait I can't leave the chicken here un!" He ran back to the black haired vampire. "May I have him back un?"

"Why?"

"Because he's my teammate un."

"I was going to kill him."

"...What if I intervene un?"

"Then I'll kill you too."

"...oh. RUN TOBIII UNN!" Deidara kicked the vampire and the two began to run.

"QUICK! UPSTAIRS UN!" Deidara pointed to the stairway.

"BETTER! AN ELEVATOR!" Tobi pointed.

"That's a dumbwaiter but...oh well. It's faster un. HURRY!" Deidara began to run.

But in the dumbwaiter someone popped out. Someone taller, had white hair..dressed in rags with straw sticking out...

"Hallo! Ready to die?" The scarecrow asked.

"FORGET THE DUMBWAITER TAKEE THE STAIRS UNN!" Deidara ran with Tobi running faster than he was.

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE!" The vampires echoed.

"GRAAAAA!" The onryo croaked.

Running up faster, they saw the attic. "QUICK! THERE!" They ran in and locked the door.

"WHAT DO WE DO?" Tobi shrieked.

"BARAAGE THE DOOR! TOBI GET ME THE FURNITURE!" Deidara yelled.

At this, Tobi began flinging the furniture to his senpai.

Soon the door was blocked with all furniture.

"Whew! That's gonna hold em for long! But I think we need one more furniture piece, just to make sure. Tobi see any more?" Deidara asked.

Tobi looked around. 'Uhh...umm..."

"Graaaa..." A hand gave a vase to him.

"OH THANK YOU GRUDGE GHOST!" Tobi snatched it away and ran to Deidara.

"Graaaaa."

Suddenly the two Akatsuki members froze. Grudge ghost?

"Graaaaaaaa..."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" They crashed through all furniture adn the door itself and ran downstairs to the door.

"LET US OUT! LET US OUT!" They began banging on the door. As the four creepy things began to stagger towards them.

* * *

Pein stared at the house in front of him.

"I think I heard enough screams. Shall we open the door?" Pein asked.

Konan shrugged. "I think they learned their lesson."

Pein took out a key and opened the door and the two stumbled out and lay on the ground.

"Had enough?" He aasked.

At this the two sprang up.

"YES WE HAD ENOUGH! DON'T MAKE US GO BACK THERE!' They hugged Pein's legs.

"Graaaaaa!" The croaking sound came.

And then the two fainted. Konan stared at the four wide eyed.

Pein took out a thick stack of cash. "Here. Good job." He said.

"Graaaa!" The onryo said.

"Thank you." The scarecrow rasped.

"YOU PROMISED US FRESH BLOOD!" The black haired vampire growled.

Pein rolled his eyes. "Its in cans in the fridge people. Jeez you konoha ninja are too clingy on your jobs."

"Konoha ninja?" The yellow haired one asked.

"Ahhh yessss! We AAARE konoha ninja." The black haired one grinned.

"Let's get out of here." Konan dragged the two unconscious men to the car's backseat.

"Kay. Bye bye Hatake Kakashi and your students! Thank you for assisting us!" Pein got into the car and drove off.

"...Who is Hatake Kakashi?" The scarecrow asked.

* * *

"Never getting out! Never getting out! Never getting out! Creepy vampires scarecrows and grudge ghosts!" Deidara whined.

The nurse tsk tsk-ed. "He's got a baaad fright. Oh well. he'll calm down in three days." She said and then walked to Tobi who lay unconscious.

"And he will stay unconscious for a week I presume. No worries after that though." She said.

"Thanks doc...what about Kakuzu?" Pein asked.

"The money loving freak? He is still in a shock after he found out the price for the treatment of these two. Currently he's sueing the doctor for god knows what."

"Thank you." Pein muttered. ''Atleast they'll stop breaking the hideout."

Konan then looked up after being in deep thought.

"Ya know...It seemed too unnatural. The makeup was too good to be fake. And how those vampire actors were staring at our necks...brrr!"

Pein sighed. "Oh calm down. Hatake Kakashi and his students are marvellous actors!"

"So marvellous you forgot it was a wonderful opportunity to grab the Kyuubi?"

"...DAMN I FORGOT! Oh well. Next time." As he finished, his phone began to ring.

"Hello?" He said.

_"This is Naruto Uzumaki dattebyo! Sorry we couldn't go to the haunted house for the acting but errr...the hokage said it was a trap soooo...sorry dattevyo!"_

"Eh? What the-? Oh hell stop this jokes!"

_"I am not dattebyo! I really-"_

"What's with all that dattebyo? You didn't say it back at the haunted house gag!"

Konan tapped him on his shoulder. "Dattebyo is the REAL Naruto's catchphrase..." She said quietly.

Pein widened his eyes and gulped.

_"Hello dattebyo! Hello? Sorry again dattebyo! Bye!"_

The phone went dead. Pein laughed uneasily. "Just cuz its near Halloween doesn't mean its ghost season!" He siad.

Suddenly his phone ran again.

"Hello?"

_"You will die in seven days..." beep beep beep._

The phone crashed to the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

* * *

**CLIFFHANGER! Hhehe. I know its a bit late but happy halloween anyway! ^^**


	6. The night before 13th Friday

_Click...click...click... _went the mouse.

"GAAAAAAAAH! STUPID COMPUTER!' Pein gave the computer a large kick and smoke poured out of it.

"For god sakes! Now my whole evil plans will be under hold...AGAIN!" He muttered taking his wallet out.

"Good. Time to go shopping." He muttered again, going out of his office and literally slamming the door behind him.

Konan eyed him as he walked past.

"Everything okay leader?" She asked.

"Yeah. The world is full of rainbows and butterflies, milkshakes and ponies!" He said sarcastically.

"The computer is down?"

"...Yes."

Konan shrugged. "Can I go with you? I accidentally smashed my tv remote. And I need shampoo. Also that new book called 'How to kidnap the Kyuubi'

"...Shampoo and books okay but why the hell did you 'accidentally' break the television remote?"

Konan laughed. "Oh that! They didn't show my favorite show today."

"I...see.."

At that moment, Kisame walked it. "Hey guys! Wassup!" He said grinning like a fool.

"The ceiling." Konan rolled her eyes. "See we're going to the shopping center. Wanna come?"

Kisame grinned wider. "Would I? I was just about to go with Itachi!"

"Why Itachi?" Pein asked.

"He said as long as Tobi keeps talking and hugging people like a child, he needs anti- people powder."

"...Uh huh. Only that?"

"Well..." Kisame furrowed his eyebrows. "OH YEAH! He said he's buying a new car since you broke his one down three weeks ago."

"...Ahhh...oh yeah. That...haunted house...FORGET IT! Anyone else going?" Pein demanded.

"Everyone except for Tobi. He's sleeping." Kisame said brightly.

"Okay then we'll all go." Pein announced. "Hurry, everyone out!"

The group got themselves outside their evil hideout. (which was behind a large rock) and readied themselves.

"Jeez lets go!" Itachi tugged on his light brown wig. "Its too warm inside this thing!"

(of course they'd be wearing disguises. What? You all thought there aren't ANBU patrolling each village? ^^)

Konan looked at Pein worriedly. "Hey, are you sure we're doing the right thing?" She asked.

"We're going shopping." He stated as a matter of fact way.

"THAT is the problem!" Konan said. "I mean, we are leaving Tobi behind! Who knows what he'll do to our hideout!"

"Probably flame it." Itachi said.

"Or flood it." Kisame grinned.

"Or blow it up." Deidara muttered.

"Or eat all my food." Zetsu growled. Everyone turned to look at him.

"What?" He said.

Pein raised his hands up. "LOOK." He said. "We'll just quickly go to the center and come back QUICKLY. OK?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good! Any questions?"

Itachi raised his hand.

"Yes?"

Itachi cleared his throat. "What guarantee do you have that Tobi won't but the place on fire?'

"...I threw away the flame thrower Itachi."

"That's not the point." Itachi sweat dropped.

* * *

Tobi woke up with a yawn. He stretched himself and whistling a happy tune, grabbed his towel and walked to the bathroom.

To his surprise, there was no queue! (since he was the one taking the longest to to take a shower, he had to wait until the last)

"Itachi senpai? Deidara senpai? Leader sama? Did you all turn invisible?" He wondered out loud. "Hmm..." After a while of thinking, he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower...

(After 30 minutes...)

"I'M READY!" He yelled jumping out of the bathroom. Silence greeted him again...save for his echo.

"Oh yeah...everyone is invisible." Tobi grinned going to the kitchen. It had not occurred to him that being invisible did not necessarily mean that the voice have to be cut off as well...yet.

As he neared the fridge, he thought he saw two notes stuck on it. First one read:

**Dear Tobi. If you have thought all the Akatsuki members are invisible**

**or we have been turned to mutants and flew away to mars, THINK AGAIN!**

**We just left to the supermarket to do some shopping since we are low on supplies. (I smashed my tv remote) So,**

**I trust you can be a good boy and stay by yourself here? Lock the doors and windows.**

**Don't let any strangers in (all but us and the tailed beast hosts) and don't answer the door until you are sure it is us.**

**Don't go poking around in random places in the hideout and ESPECIALLY, don't go into my room! (Unless you need some weapons to capture**

**the kyuubi!) We'll be back at around 3 O'clock. (Because we may need to stop at a cafe' ^^)**

**Ps. I'll get you a teddy bear and cookies!  
**

**Love, Konan.**

"Oh...Next..." Tobi read the other one.

**Okay Tobi listen up! We the Akatsuki have gone for shopping so you'll be alone for a while un.**

**SO DON'T YOU DO ANYTHING STUPID WHILE WE ARE GONE UN! DON'T TOUCH MY CLAY, MY ROOM**

**MY STUFF OR ANYTHING ELSE I CLAIMED AS MINE UN! (Unless you want to meet your grave the moment I reach home!) **

**Your Senpai, Deidara the genius artist!**

"Ohh..." Tobi said. "So that means Tobi will be alone...all alone...in this...creepy...big...lonely...creepy...CREEEEEEEEPPPY HIDEOUT! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" He began to scream and run around the place waving his arms around and knocking down vases, tables and chairs as he did so.

After a while, he stopped.

'Whats that noise!' He thought. He still was high time nervous from the last visit to the haunted house and still wasn't looking forward to another ghost encounter...

"H-Hello! WHO IS HERE! Whoever it is, go back!" He commanded, trying to sound tough. The sound came again and then he realized that the sound came from the door.

Slowly, he walked to it and timidly opened it with a gulp.

"Hello!" A warm voice made him opened his eyes. There stood a boy with yellow hair in an orange outfit and a girl with pink hair and greens eyes...

'S-S-S-S-S-SHE'S THE GIRL WHO KILLED SASORI DANNA!' He realized alarmed.

"S-Say I'm lost. Do you know what this place around here is?" She asked quietly with a smile. Her soft voice made him lose his fear.

"Oh this is Akatsuki!" He said proudly.

"Akatsuki?" The girl cocked her head.

"Never heard of it." The boy muttered.

"It's a very big organization which has lots of love and happiness!" He said putting his arms up. "Tobi is very happy here and Tobi is a good boy!"

"I see. Sounds fun! My name is Haruno Sakura. Nice to meet you." She held her hand out and he shook it.

"And I am Uzumaki Naruto the future hokage!" The boy held a thumbs up.

"OHH GOODY! MORE FRIENDS! Would you like some tea?" He invited them in.

"Oh thank you! I'd like some dango too!" Sakura said

"I want ramen." naruto pouted.

"OOH TOBI LOVES DANGO TOO! AND TOBI HAS LOTS OF RAMEN!" Tobi yelled. Naruto cheered at that.

"So you are Konoha ninja?" Tobi asked.

"Yeah." Sakura said as she stepped inside. "We got separated from our teammates and friends." She frowned at Naruto. "If it wasn't for Naruto's carelessness!"

"Oii Sakura chaaaannnn..." Naruto whined.

"Don't worry! Tobi will help you find them! After tea!"

"Okay!"

* * *

Konan hummed as she looked through the books. 'Let's see...how to capture the Kyuubi. GRRR NOT HERE! I FEEL LIKE KILLING SOMEONE! Huh? What's this?'

She looked at the cover of the magazine. 'List of the most strongest Kunochi! I should read this and find out which one is the best for Akatsuki!'

"Let's see now. Number one, Tsunade Senju, hokage of Konoha. Nop. Too innocent minded and devoted to her village. Number two, Haruno Sakura. Apprentice of Tsunade, has super human strength and killed Sasori! YEAH!"

She grinned. Haruno Sakura was perfect! GIRL POWER!

She began to laugh evilly. Deidara who was close-by, widened his eyes and backed off. "HEY! STOP IT! YOU'RE SCARING EVERYONE!" He yelled.

"So what?" She tossed the book in her cart and went off, humming the Death Note theme.

Pein just watched Kisame try to get Itachi to buy a dolphin voodoo doll from a weird looking old hag outside the shopping mart.

"Everyone got everything?" He asked.

"Not yet. This ******* store doesn't have any ******* things that any ***** or ******* can use for ***** sakes!" Hidan growled.

"Sir please refrain from such cursing here!" A person called.

"WELL WHAT THE **** ARE YOU GONNA ******* DO ABOUT IT YOU *******?" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu smacked his over the head.

"SHUT UP OR HE WILL DEMAND MONEY!" He yelled.

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN ******* MAKE SENSE!" Hidan yelled back.

Pein turned to Zetsu who was talking to someone. He squinted. Who was it? A fat guy?

"Oh yes. It is the most wonderful." Zetsu laughed. "Would you like to come along with me? I has lots of friends in my_ room._ I make the most _delicious _meals..."

The leader sighed. The day was boring. He felt bad for Tobi since he would be too bored at home...not to mentioned scared being alone.

* * *

"AHAHAHHA!" Tobi laughed. "WHAT NEXT?"

"And then, I ran outta the place before they would catch me! And believe it no one found out it was me!" Naruto laughed.

"Hardly. Everyone knew he was a prankster so eventually Iruka Sensei tied him to a tree." Sakura snickered.

"AWWW SAKURA CHAAANN!" Naruto whined, wriggly tears running down his face.

"Konoha seems like fun!" Tobi sprang up.

"Akatsuki seems more fun!" Naruto said. "By the way, what do you guys do anyway? Besides living normally and pranking ninja?"

"Oh we capture tailed beasts and seal them inside a giant statue thingy which the leader says is to create a huge weapon to throw the world into chaos and start a war before he brings peace and then proclaim himself ruler of the world. Why?" Tobi asked.

"Oh...no reason! Just curious!" Naruto grinned.

"Yes well, we really had a good time. Thank you Tobi san." Sakura bowed. "But we need to find out teammates now."

"I'll help!" Tobi volunteered. "Tobi is a good boy!"

"ALRIGHT DATTEBYO!" Naruto yelled.

"No, no. Please don't take the trouble." Sakura smiled. "We just need directions to the nearest village."

At this, Tobi rushed to Pein's room and began rummaging through random drawers. "AHA!" He bought out a map of the place.

"Here ya go!"

"Why thank you!" Sakura gave him a kiss on the head. "Tobi is a very good boy!"

"Sakura chan gimme a kiss too!" Naruto whined.

"NO BAKA!" Sakura kicked him. "Let's go shall we? Bye Tobi! Oh and here! I hope this gift is enough for now." She handed him a book.

"What's this?" Tobi asked, sounding interested.

"It's a horror novel." Sakura said proudly while Naruto hid in fear.

" 'The night before 13th Friday.'" Tobi read. "Cool! Tobi read it all! Thank you!"

"See you!" Sakura waved and then the two Konoha ninja were out.

"Hmm...oh well." Tobi plopped down on the sofa and started to read.

(An hour later...)

"W...W...W...What a n-n-n-ice book!" Tobi laughed nervously, keeping the book on the sofa and then walking to his room.

"Silly creatures of the dead and...stuff!"

A creak stopped him dead in his tracks. "H-Hello? Naruto san is that you?" He asked nervously.

"..." A ghostly sound called.

"! DON'T EAT ME!" Tobi screamed running out of the door without looking back.

On the window was a big, fat cat. "Meeeoooowww." It said licking its paws.

When everyone had returned, they found the door wide open.

"Tch! He forgot to close the door! Stupid Tobi!" The leader muttered.

"We would've been earlier if Kakuzu didn't stop arguing about the price of everything un! INCLUDING A SILLY BUBBLE GUM UN!" Deidara said.

"Oh hush!" Kakuzu muttered counting the money left over from the shopping.

"Tobi? Tobi I bought you a teddy bear and cookies as promised!" Konan called.

"You are spoiling that dummy." leader sweat dropped.

"Hey I'm not 100% evil." Konan said. "Besides, Tobi brightens our gloomy atmosphere and makes everyone happy! Why shouldn't I get that kid a present? Tobbiii! Come here! Where are you?"

"I'd rather if he disappears un." Deidara mutters.

**"You shouldn't wish for things like that or it might really happen." **Dark Zetsu warned.

"Whatever un." Deidara scoffed.

Suddenly Konan came back running. "Where is Tobi! He's not in his room!" She asked.

"EH! Check the bathroom Itachi! Kisame, the pool! Hidan check your room! Kakuzu your money safe! Everyone search!" Leader ordered.

Soon they came back. Tobi was nowhere to be found.

"Oh damn I'm starting to get worried un." Deidara muttered.

_"Eoooooeeeeeeewwww!" _a ghostly sound came.

"A GHOST!" Deidara yelled jumping on Kisame's head.

"No. A cat." Itachi muttered as the brown cat came into the room.

"Hey...I didn't get this book here. Who bought this book?" Konan picked up the horror novel.

"My guess is," Itachi said. "That after Tobi read this strange book, he heard the sound and then ran away in fear."

"WHAT!" Everyone yelled.

Tobi of Akatsuki...was lost.


	7. TOBI! COME BACK UN!

"TOBI!"

""Tobi where are you?"

"... sharingan...hm...not here..."

"YOO HOOO! LITTLE CHICKEN!"

"WHERE ARE YOU UN!"

"I WON'T PAY TO PUT UP POSTERS SO YOU BETTER APPEAR BEFORE ME!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF JASHIN GET YOUR *** OUT HERE YOU LITTLE *******!"

**"Tobi we won't eat your cookies if you come."**

"Well?" Pein asked as everyone came back to the assigned spot an hour later.

Konan shook her head. The others said nothing.

Sighing, Pein rubbed his temples. It had been a day since Tobi went missing and still there was no sign of him. They had at first assumed that he would return by nightfall since he was scared of the dark but it didn't happen. They waited all through dinner but he still didn't come.

'And today, breakfast was quiet without him.' Pein thought sadly. 'I miss the little nut.'

"Okay listen up. From now we are going to split up into two man cells. Each go to different towns to search for them! Kisame and Zetsu, go to the village of lightning. And ZETSU! Don't eat him!"

**"Got it." **The black Zetsu answered.

"Good. Konan and I will search the village of rain again. Kakuzu and Hidan, the village of sand. Itachi and Deidara, to Konoha. We will leave the village of rock, mist and waterfall for later. NOW GO!"

* * *

"Damn it! Where would that idiot go! Hm!" Deidara muttered.

"We are going to Konoha." Itachi stated.

"Why would he go there un?" Deidara asked.

"We are going to find out."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD UN! TALK!" Deidara yelled, scaring Itachi and making him jump slightly. But the Uchiha quickly gained his composure and eyed the blond weirdly.

"Why? I thought you always wanted Tobi to shut up for once." He asked.

"NO I DIDN'T!" Deidara yelled.

Itachi held up a voice recorder and pressed start.

_"TOBI SHUT UP UN!"_

_"TOBI YOU ARE SO ANNOYING UN!"_

_"WHY DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR AND LEAVE ME ALONE UN!"_

Deidara gulped as he felt blue lines start to etch all over his face and turned away. "This is all my fault un..." He muttered leaning against a tree and Itachi continued to play the insults.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI SAMA TURN IT OFF UN!" Deidara yelled.

"Hn."

"Is that even a word un?"

"I believe it is."

"It's not in the dictionary un."

"The _dictionary _is cursed then. Because it contains a limited number of words. The human mind can hold more than that."

"...Where is this going un?"

"...Towards your education?"

"COME BACK TOBI! UN!" Deidara yelled.

* * *

"Oh dear. He's not here." Kisame sighed. Zetsu was reading a book.

"HEY HELP ME SEARCH FOR THE CHICKEN!" Kisame yelled.

"Okay." Zetsu split into half.

**"You so search. I'll read." **The black zetsu ordered and the white Zetsu went. Black Zetsu continued reading but then noticed at Kisame had his eyes wide open, unable to believe how someone can practically split himself up and still stay alive.

But the shark man regained composure quickly. "What are you reading?" He queried.

**"Oh this? It's 'The 1000 ways to make dishes of fishes' Why?"**

Kisame screamed and ran for his dear life.

* * *

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IDIOT WOULD GO ***** MISSING WHILE WE JUST ******* LEFT THE HOUSE FOR A ****** THREE HOURS! I MEAN COME ON! I CAN'T ****** TAKE IT INTO MY HEAD HOW ****** STUPID THAT ******* IS!"

Kakuzu just walked silently. "The sooner we find him the better. Because then, leader won't suggest putting up posters and that will cost money." He said.

"DO YOU ******* CARE FOR TOBI OR YOUR ******** MONEY?" The Jashin worshiper screamed.

"I didn't know you care so much." Kakuzu's eyebrow's went all the way up as he realized that Hidan didn't add an insult to Tobi's name this time.

"I DON'T!" Hidan yelled.

"...Hidan? You didn't curse."

"What the ****? So?"

"The only time you never curse is when you lie. I didn't know you'd miss that annoying guy with a lollipop shaped mask on all the time. Besides even you said he's annoying."

"ONLY ****** SOMETIMES! Besides...I got used to his ****** annoying chatter..."

Seeing his partner's depressed mood, Kakuzu decided to take his money out an count before the Jashin worshiper started screaming again.

* * *

"Konoha. It has been a while." Itachi said as he faced Konoha. Deidara smirked slightly.

"Artistic...very artistic." He eyed the village and turned to Itachi. "I don't know Itachi but if I were you I would have stayed here instead of joining Akatsuki."

"Why'd you leave your village then?" Itachi asked.

"It wasn't artistic enough." Deidara shrugged but then Itachi eyed him weirdly.

'What?"

"You didn't say un..."

"So?'

"...You are that worried for Tobi?"

"OF COURSE I AM!" A vein popped on his forehead. "Now let's go search for Tobi!" He jumped but then Itachi grabbed his collar, suspending him above the ground... from above the fourth hokage's monument...which was where they were staying.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"Idiot! If we go there in these robes they'll find us!" Itachi hissed.

"Oh...right...un..."

"..."

Soon the two were disguised as normal civilians. Deidara put on gloves to hide his hands and they were ready. (I'm too lazy to write their description but they still look hot .)

"Let's go." Itachi muttered as he walked through the gates. The two Jounin briefly glanced up and nodded. The two entered.

"We'll split up. You take the left side of Konoha and I'll take the right. We'll meet up outside the gates in 5 hours." Itachi said and he left, leaving Deidara all alone.

'Jeez.' He thought looking around. He ran a hair through his blond hair (yes he didn't change his hair color! Cuz there are lots of people with yellow hair...) and sighed. How on earth was he going to find Tobi in this place?

He walked around looking at everyone carefully. But then, all he needed was an orange mask didn't he? 'Damn Tobi where are you? I'm damn worried!' He thought sadly. 'We all are...'

"OW!" He let out a sharp breath as someone fell on him.

"Oww dattebyo.."

Dattebyo! It couldn't be!

He turned and saw the kyuubi boy on him. "Owww Sakura chan..."

Sakura! AS IN SAKURA HARUNO! THE ONE WHO SINGLE HANDEDLY KILLED SASORI OF THE RED SAND?

The pink haired girl stomped over to them and he felt goosebumps rising. She she frowned when she saw him.

"NARUTO GET OFF THE CIVILIAN!" Sakura yelled at Naruto who got off at once. "Are you okay sir?' He extended a hand towards him but Deidara panicked.

"DON'T KILL ME UN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" He fled.

"Huh?" Sakura muttered.

* * *

'Jeez...I can't see him anywhere. Might as well give up.' Itachi thought slumping down on the grass. He was in some training ground. Only he didn't care to know which one.

He then saw Sasuke approach and fought the urge to kick him and yell 'YOU ARE WEAK!' Nope...that would be weird. 'Also,' He reasoned. 'I'm not THAT insane.'

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" He asked.

"That's my own business." He said coolly.

"Annoying. Hn." Sasuke muttered and taking a kunai out began to train. Itachi didn't watch. To him, Sasuke was just dancing around in the fields. Heh, true power exists in real ninja like himself!

"MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!" He laughed out loud evilly, making Sasuke back away with a freaked out look.

"Do you desire power?" Itachi asked.

Sasuke looked interested. "Yes."

"Hn. Then I will give you a good piece of information."

"Tell me! I want to beat someone! No...KILL HIM!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "First tell me something."

"Yeah?"

"The girl who killed the S ranked Sasori is in your team and I heard you claim that she is weak. How is she when you haven't killed an S rank yourself?" Itachi asked smugly.

Sasuke twitched his eye dangerously.

"Hn. Foolish bro- ... kid. You are weak." He stuck his tongue out and walked away after poking his forehead.

Sasuke stood silent and then...

"ITAAAAAAAACHIIIII!"

The birds flew away in terror.

* * *

Deidara ducked as he saw another flash of pink. He wondered why he was trying to hide from a girl without searching for his lost friend. 'Probably because she killed my nearly invincible partner!' He thought.

"Phew un." He sighed as she saw that it was just an umbrella.

"Hello. Haven't seen you around here." A lazy voice said casually.

Deidara turned and saw a masked man, reading a book.

"I'm new here un."

"My student told me that you are searching for a friend."

"Yeah un. But how did you find me?"

"Simple. She said you end all sentences with 'un' " He wrinkled his eye, showing that he was smiling. "I am Kakashi."

"KAKASHI THE SON OF THE WHITE FANG?" Deidara backed away.

"I'm flattered you know a lazy person like me." Kakashi said but then, the blond had disappeared again.

'NOW I HAVE TO HIDE FROM MASKED PEOPLE _AND _PINK THINGS!' he thought irritated. As he ran through Konoha, he suddenly spotted an orange masked guy with the Kyuubi boy and fell to the ground.

"DEIDARA SENPAI!" Came his shrill voice. Oh how he missed that idiot.

"TOBI I MISSED YOU UN!" Deidara hugged Tobi.

"Ehh Tobi miss you too senpai! But what is senpai doing in Konoha?" Tobi asked cocking his head to one side. Deidara noticed that Tobi had taken his Akatsuki robe off.

"I'll ask the questions un! Firstly the question about the reason for being in Konoha goes to you! Secondly, why the hell did you take of your robe! And third...WHY ARE YOU HANGING AROUND WITH THE FRIEND OF THE GIRL WHO KILLED SASORI DANNA?"

Tobi clapped his hands. "SENAPI THATS THE LONGEST SENTENCE YOU SAID SO FAR!"

"SHUT UP AND ANSWER UN!"

"Well Tobi got scared of the book and Tobi ran but then Tobi realize that the book was just a story but then Tobi thought he was lost in creepy forest full of creepy aminals! Then fox-san found Tobi and told Tobi that he can come to Konoha so Tobi came and played with friendly pink hair girl with awesome strength but Tobi got freaked out a bit so we played ninja all day so Tobi felt very warm and took his robe off!"

"...The third question un?"

"Flower Chan gave book to Tobi and is very friendly to Tobi!"

"...Oh..." He looked at Naruto who had his eyes wide open. "LET'S GO UN!" He pulled on Tobi's hand and ran.

"I'LL SEE YOU SOON FOX SAN!" Tobi yelled waving to Naruto who waved back. They were nearing the gates when ANBU stopped them.

"Let us see your ID!" They demanded.

"TOBI IF YOU HUG THEM THEY'LL GIVE YOU COOKIES UN!" Deidara yelled.

"YAY!" He hugged the two men and squeezed them so tight a second later, they fell limp.

"LET'S GO UN!" Deidara tugged on his hand and ran out.

"BUT TOBI WANTS COOKIE!'

"No time!" Itachi appeared beside him. "Sasuke found out we are here and alerted the ANBU!"

"Itachi senpai you are here too!" Tobi cried gleefully.

"YES LET'S GO/ UN!" The two screamed as they saw a huge group of ANBU chasing behind them.

* * *

"Have you found them?" Konan asked as Hidan and Kakuzu entered.

"WE ***** DIDN'T BECAUSE THE ********** HERE WOULDN'T ******** STOP COUNTING HIS ******** MONEY!" Hidan screamed.

"He searched alright, while I paid some ninja to try find him for me." Kakuzu glared. "But no luck."

Konan slumped on the sofa glumly. "Oh Tobi..."

The group stared her.

"What?" She snapped.

"Well no offense but normally you are um...unconcerned about these?" Pein chose his words carefully.

"WHO SAID I AM NOT! Well I am probably but losing him will make my opportunities to annoy those freaks forever! Besides! He's a good boy! He gave me a very relaxing foot massage and does whatever I tell him! HMPH!" She crossed her hands over her chest.

"Well we'll miss the little chicken..." Kisame sighed and then backed off as Zetsu started drooling over him.

"SUSHIII..."

"I'M NOT SUSHI DAMMIT!" Kisame yelled swinging his samehada.

**CRASH!**

The front door broke open and Deidara and Itachi tumbled in, breathless and exhausted. Behind them stood-

"TOBI! YOU ARE ******* BACK!" Hidan yelled.

"TOBI IT'S REALLY YOU!" Konan cheered.

"...Welcome." Pein turned to Deidara. "How come you found him in Konoha?"

"He met the girl who killed Sasori danna while running away from the book and she bought him to Konoha un." Deidara muttered.

"'THIS CALLS FOR A PAR-TY!" Kisame yelled. "SAKE! GET THE SAKE!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Kakuzu yelled. "THAT COSTS MONEY!"

"IT'S FOR TOBI!"

"HE'S TOO YOUNG TO DRINK DAMMIT! BESIDES YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S GONNA DRINK IT ALL!"

"OH JUST ******* SHUT UP AND ORDER THE ******* PIZZA AND SAKE OR COLA OR WHATEVER!"

"I THOUGHT DRINKING WAS AGAINST YOUR RELIGION!"

"WHEN DID I ******* SAY THAT?"

"SUSHI! ORDER SUSHI OF SHARK MEAT!"

"NOOOO! MY BROTHERS! ZETSU HOW COULD YOU!"

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! **WE WIN!"**

Pein sighed and looked at Tobi. "We are happy to have you back Tobi. Within two seconds you stepped back into the hideout you already have everything in chaos."

"Eh! Tobi is good boy Tobi didn't do anything!" Tobi raised his hands up.

"We know un!" Deidara muttered stomping to his room.

"Hey." Itachi called. "Don't you have something to say to Tobi?"

"...Right un. Tobi..." He turned to his teammate.

"Yes senpai?"

"I'm sorry for being calling you annoying un. You see you are really a good kid and makes everyone happy. I was wrong about you being the worst missing nin ever un. But you found the Kyuubi's location for us-"

"REALLY? TOBI YOU _ARE _A GOOD BOY!" Pein cried happily.

"-And," Deidara continued twitching his eye, still not daring to look at the orange masked boy. "For all the time I wished that you would disappear I didn't mean it un. We all missed you and we never would want a better member of Akatsuki then you un. So once again...I am sorry un."

Tobi stood there without a word.

"Tobi?" Deidara muttered.

"*SNORE*

" *Twitch* ART IS A BANG UN!"

**BOOM!**

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

"Hey the ****** pizza is here!"


	8. The tape: Day 1

**HEELOO! SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! A friend of mine had her birthday so this chapter is in her honor! Everyone! GIVE IT UP FOR JUN HIRASAMI!  
**

**As a bonus, she will be one of the characters in the story as Jun Chan! For her birthday on March 20th! Yaaay! -claps- ON WITH THE STORY!**

* * *

"GOOD MORNING DEIDARA SENPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!" Tobi called.

Deidara warily turned to face the orange masked boy running to him. "So loud un..." He muttered as he continued walking.

"SENPAI GUESS WHAT!" Tobi yelled.

"...What un?"

"LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE OUT ON A MISSION TOBI WATCHED A SCARY MOVIE!"

_Twitch._

"Tobi." Deidara turned to the boy, trying to keep his temper in control. "I thought...it was made clear...that you...are NOT allowed...to watch any scary movies...until we are sure you will not...I repeat...will _not _run away."

"I KNOW IT WASN'T THAT SCARY!" Tobi yelled. "IT WAS OF CLOWNS BUT TOBI LOVES CLOWNS SO TOBI WATCHED CLOWN TEAR OFF PEOPLE'S HEAD WHILE KISAME SAN ATE THE PILLOW INSTEAD OF POPCORN!"

''So that's why there were feathers all over the living room last night when I came back...and here i thought Hidan had decided to sacrifice a chicken for his Jashin whatever god un." He muttered.

"I ****** HEARD THAT YOU ******! I WILL PRAY THAT JASHIN SAMA TAKES REVENGE TONIGHT!" He heard Hidan scream...from the leaders room? Hm. Probably for a mission.

Sure enough he heard leaders voice telling him to shut up and listen.

"Ooh I'm scared un." Deidara said sarcastically.

"AND THEN TOBI HAD TO CALL AMBULANCE BUT THEN TOBI CALLED WRONG NUMBER AND CALLED THE WATER NINJA INSTEAD AND TOBI FORGOT WHERE THIS HOUSE WAS BUT THEN THERE WAS A REAL FIRE AND THE WATER NINJA SAVED THE KITTY WHICH LIVED INSIDE IT! TOBI IS SO BRAVE ISN'T HE!"

"Un."

"AND THEN TOBI RAN AROUND THE HOUSE AND BROKE DOWN ZETSU'S FLOWER POT AND ZETSU WAS SO MAD BUT TOBI DOESN'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE IT WAS JUST A PLANT AND ZETSU SAN KEPT CRYING ABOUT THE 'DEATH OF MY NEW GIRLFRIEND!' AND HE KEPT ON SAYING IT SO TOBI THINKS ITS A SONG BUT IT'S NOT ON THE INTERNET SO TOBI PUT IT ON YOUTUBE!"

_Twitch._

"AND TOBI GOT OVER TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND VIEWS WITH NO DISLIKES! BUT TOBI STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHY ZETSU SAN WAS GIGGLING WITH THE PLANT BEFORE TOBI ACCIDENTALLY TRIPPED IT OVER!"

_Twitch. Twitch._

"AND THEN LEADER SAMA HAD TO TIE UP ZETSU SAN WHILE HE SENT KAKUZU SAN OUT TO BUY A ROSE PLANT AND HE WAS SAYING THINGS LIKE HIDAN SAN AND ITACHI SAN CALLED HIM AN 'UNGENTLEMAN!' AND WHEN THE ROSE PLANT WAS BOUGHT ZETSU SAN STARTED SCREAMING AND RAN AWAY SAYING IT WAS HIS EX GIRLFRIEND! BUT TOBI DIDN'T SEE ANY GIRL ALOE VERA PEOPLE LIKE ZETSU SAN! AND THEN-"

_Twitch...twitch...twitchtwitch. _"Tobi..."

"Yes?"

"Shut...the hell up...now un."

"...OKAY!"

"..."

"..."

The two shinobi walked quietly for a while and then Tobi stopped. "Hey Deidara Senpai!"

He sighed. Of course he couldn't expect his teammate to stay quiet for more than five seconds now could he?

"What un?"

"Who is Jashin sama?"

"...The kami in Hidan's religion...? Un?"

"Oh...but who is he?"

"...I just told you un..."

"Oh...where is he?"

"In heaven...?"

"Does Jashin sama curse?"

"...Talk to Hidan about his religion not me un..."

"Yeah but Hidan is always busy talking to Jashin Sama an he tells me to duck off. Tobi wonders what duck off means."

Deidara thanked his lucky stars that Tobi didn't understand Hidan's cursing much when he yelled.

"There are a lot of tapes in his room too! Wanna go see! Hidan san is leaving on a mission today!"

"...no."

"Why not?" Tobi whined.

"Because one...it is a violation of his privacy un. Two, those tapes are probably porn or about his religion un."

"COME ON SENAPI! But Tobi go alone if Senpai doesn't want to see! Tobi see what is so secretive!" He said.

"Fine un."

"OKAY! BYE!" He ran off.

"Stupid Tobi is going to get skewered." He muttered. He heard an OHHHHHH come from Hidan's room then, and ran off. Leader would KILL him if Tobi died while under his 'supervisation'

But he saw the room door wide open and Tobi rummaging through some boxes.

'Where is Hidan...?' He thought and then noticed that his scythe was gone. 'Probably on a mission? So soon?'

"OHH THIS LOOKS INTERESTING!" Tobi held up an old tape.

"Hey..." Deidara tried to warn him but Tobi ran out of the room to Deidara's one.

"WHat the hell un..." He muttered as he saw Tobi fumbling with the player and sighing, finally put it in himself.

"THANK YOU SENPAI!"

"Don't mention it. I'm curious anyway." He muttered.

The screen flickered...once...twice...and then a weird sound came on and a ring appeared in the middle of it.

"What the..." Deidara muttered as Tobi watched, eyes wide.

Then came a ladder...then came some weird eye...and then a house...and then a woman in the mirror...ah...make that TWO women...then some weird thing coming out of someone's mouth...then came a finger going through a nail...a rotating chair...maggots...the sea...the ladder falls and then a well then...

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

The static went on and nothing showed after that. Deidara and Tobi stared at the screen.

"The hell?" Deidara murmured.

_TRRRRRRRRING!_

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" The two screamed as the phone rang. Deidara walked over to pick it up. "Hello?"

_"You will die in seven days." _Came an eerie voice and then the line went dead.

"Hello? HELLO! HEY IF THIS IS ONE OF YOUR PRANK CALLS I'M NOT BUYING IT!" Deidara yelled. Silence on the other line..

"Geez." Deidara kept the phone.

_ TRIIIIING!_

"WHAT?" Deidara screamed into the phone.

"Uh Deidara senpai, that's the doorbell." Tobi sweat dropped. Deidara stared at the orange masked boy before slowly keeping the phone and then walked towards the door and opened it.

There stood...Zetsu with a large pot of daisies.

"Someone kill me." Deidara muttered.

"Come on in! I'll show you to my room!' Zetsu grinned and carried the pot to his room.

Deidara closed the door and walked back to his room where Tobi seemed to be on a phone call.

"Huh? But why!"

A pause.

"BUT TOBI DOESN'T WANNA DIE IN SEVEN DAYS! TOBI HAS FRIENDS IN AKATSUKI!"

Deidara twitched and walking up to Tobi, calmly took the phone from him. Then...

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He smashed the phone to the ground and started stomping on it.

"Senpai?" Tobi asked.

"There!" Deidara threw away the broken pieces out of the window. "No more prank calls un!"

"Tobi wanna go shopping!"

"No Tobi. I need to rest. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!"

'BUT TOBI WANTS SHOPPING!"

"I SAID I'M TIRED UN! AND WHY DO YOU NEED TO GO SHOPPING ANYWAY?"

"Because I said so!" Konan poked her head through the door. "The list is with Tobi!"

"CLEARLY HARASSMENT UN!" Deidara yelled.

"Whatever you call it I don't care. Just get my stuff!" Konan walked off.

"WHERE'S THE MONEY UN!"

"WITH TOBI!" Konan yelled back.

Tobi proudly held up the wallet and a loooong shopping list and Deidara sighed.

* * *

"The hell...I'm sure she's behind those prank calls." Deidara muttered as he threw some scary movies into the cart.

"Next is...instant pudding..." Tobi wandered off.

"Jeez un..." Deidara muttered and then blinked. He felt that someone was staring at him...

He turned and saw a girl standing there.

"Uh...what un?"

The girl just stood there.

Deidara looked back and then at her. She was staring at HIM? And then...

"My name is Jun Chan and its nice to see you!" She grinned.

Deidara sweat dropped. "Okay un? TOBI! LET'S GO!"

"Hey miss?" Jun tugged on Deidara's arm.

"I'M A GUY!" He roared, earning some looks from some customers. But the girl didn't seem to be the least effected.

"You have a nosebleed."

"The fu..." Deidara bought his hand up to his nose to his eyes. Sure enough there was blood. His blood (the ones which were inside of him of course) froze. Because he was seeing blood and he didn't fight so why was he seeing it? Blood appears for some reason doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?

"You know there is this tape. If you watch it you get a call?" She smiled...eerily.

Deidara gulped. "Yeah? What about it?"

"It's not a prank call." She looked away remorsefully. "You die in seven days. My pet cat died."

"Pet cat...can answer a phone call?" Deidara asked.

"That pet cat's name was Mr. Fluffy Kittens."

Mr. Fluffy Kittens? Where had he heard that before?

_Flashback_

_Pein was searching the whole hideout. Nearly wrecking everything. Deidara walked up to him, curious._

_"What are you doing un?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Pein wasn't the type to lose his cool much. If he was going crazy over this, then it meant that his plans to take over the world got lost or Konan got killed (he smirked at that thought) or the Kyuubi gave him a slip again or-  
_

_"I LOST MR. FLUFFY KITTENS!" Pein roared as he flung away a cupboard. Deidara quickly stepped out of the way to avoid getting hit. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his temple.  
_

_"Mr. Who?"  
_

_"MY CAT!"  
_

_Deidara blinked. All this over some dumb cat? "It's just a dumb cat un..." He spoke his mind.  
_

_Pein stopped and glowered over him. "Just a dumb cat? JUST A DUMB CAT? **THIS CAT CAN TALK, DO JUTSU AND KILLL!"**  
_

_Deidara sweatdropped. "O-Oh...I see un...where did you last see it?"  
_

_"THIS MORNING I TOOK HIM FOR A WALK AND CAME BACK!"  
_

_"Then you didn't bring him back with you un."  
_

_"I DID!"  
_

_End of flashback  
_

Deidara shook his head. Okay so he got lost in the flashback. So what?

"What's up with that cat?"

"My cat answered the phone call and died..." Jun teared up.

'So that's where Mr. Fluffy kittens got away to. Oh boy if Pein finds out he'll die of a heart attack. Oh? Is this an opportunity to become the new leader and expel Itachi out of the organization? ' He smirked. 'Hm. Good imagination.'

"Whatever." He said as he turned. "If I die I'll let you know!"

"She'll come for youuuu..."

Deidara stopped abruptly as he heard her sing creepily.

"She'll come...and kill youuuu..."

He ran there and then. "TOBI! !" He yelled. Tobi who was inspecting a cookie box turned around as Deidara came running.

"Wha-" He said as Deidara took his hand.

"FORGET THE GROCERIES! LET'S RUN!"

"B-But senpai the groceries are already paid for! Tobi already paid!" Tobi protested holding up the bags in his hand.

"THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" He yelled. "LET'S RUN!"

"Don't try to hide...just say good byee..." The voice floated towards them.

Deidara turned pale. 'RUN!" He yelled taking Tobi's hand and ran out of the place faster than Tobi ever did.

"So don't eat...the school dinner...cause the cooks will...come and kill youuuu..." Jun kept on singing with a smile on her face and then coughed. "Oh damn I need to perfect my voice! Otherwise this play will go downhill!"

She looked around. "Huh? Where did that girl go? I wanted her to hear the song I was playing for school play about the cooks...oh well."

* * *

Deidara kept on running. He was freaked out. WHY WOULD WANT A STUPID GHOST WANT TO KILL HIM? JUST CAUSE HE WATCHED A TAPE?

He stopped and started shaking Tobi by his shoulders. "TOBI! IT'S DAY ONE RIGHT!"

"Uh..huh!"

"WE WATCHED THE TAPE TODAY!"

"So?"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

Tobi's eyes went wide. "WHAT! NOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" He began flailing his arms as he ran in circles around his senpai..who was freaking out as well.

MR. FLUFFY KITTENS DIED BECAUSE IT WATCHED THE TAPE!

Blue lines etched all over his face. "Crap, crap, crap..." He gulped. He so didn't want to die. He had Orochimaru to kill, he had to take revenge on Itachi, he had to take revenge on Haruno Sakura for killing Sasori...the list was endless!

First, he had to find out what the meaning of the tape was! HE HAD TO INVESTIGATE IT!

He stood up. "TOBI!" he said.

Tobi kept on running and screaming.

"TOBI!"

He kept on running and screaming louder.

"TOBIII!"

...He kept on running faster and screaming louder...until Deidara tripped him.

"STOP RUNNING UN! I got a plan!"

"Huh? What?" Tobi blinked.

"We have no choice but to investigate! Or else we die un! Yes..." He looked at the sunset. "OUR LIVES ARE IN OUR HANDS!"

"THAT'S THE POWER OF YOUTH!"

They turned to see a man clad in a green jumpsuit next to them and screamed. "GHOOOOOOOOOOST!" They ran off.

Gai deflated. "Aw man...! I was gonna offer them my special suit!"

* * *

**Sanashii: Yes people I decided to make this an arc so there will be a few more chapters following this 'TAPE' Ta ta! Until next time!**


	9. The tape: Day 2

**HEELOO! SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! A friend of mine had her birthday so this chapter is in her honor! Everyone! GIVE IT UP FOR JUN HIRASAMI!  
**

**As a bonus, she will be one of the characters in the story as Jun Chan! For her birthday on March 20th! Yaaay! -claps- ON WITH THE STORY!**

* * *

"Okay un...it has absolutely nothing on it...no address no number or name no nothing..." He mumbled.

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!" Tobi screamed.

"Stop screaming like a woman un!" Deidara snapped. "We still got 6 days including today!"

"Oh...thats right isn't it..."

"..." He turned back to the tape.

"SENAPI TOBI HAS AN IDEA!"

Deidara turned around to face his teammate again. "What un?"

"Why don't we watch it again? Then we have another 7 days to live! And then we watch it again and again and then we will be IMMORTAL!" Tobi flailed his arms for effect.

Deidara's eyes went wide. "Tobi...YOU SAID THE MOST SENSIBLE THING EVER UN!" He hugged the orange masked boy before putting the tape back in the VCR and then sat down to watch the disturbing images.

Then after it was finished, they both turned to the phone, waiting for it to ring.

'Please ring...please ring...please ring...' Deidara begged mentally. On cue it started to ring. The two cheered and Deidara _skipped _to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?"

_"You will die in 7 days."_

"Yeah well we watched it before so now we have 14 days left! SO THERE UN! HAH!"

_"I know. But the rule is you can only watch it once and then you simply die in 7 days."_

"WHAT UN! THAT'S INSANE!"

_"I'M the killer here! **I **__make the rules! And **I** say you will die in the _re_maining 7 days!"_

The phone went beep and Deidara stood there.

"Senpai?"

"Tobi...I'm sure of three things..."

"Yeah?"

"One...the caller is a woman...two...she's a crazier woman than Konan...three...WE'RE DOOMED UN!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tobi yelled before running around in circles once more. Deidara sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was insanity. And they needed to get through it if they wanted to live.

Suddenly he got an idea and started to rewind the video. Tobi stopped running. "Senpai why are you calm?"

"Because unlike you, I have common sense un." Deidara answered. "Whatever she or IT recorded maybe a breakthrough of where and what she is and planning."

"Huh?"

Deidara sighed. "Tape. Hidden message. We find it. LIVE."

"OHHHHHH! TOBI GET'S IT! TOBI GET'S IT!" Tobi jumped jumped up and down. "But how to we find it?"

Deidara's eye twitched. "Well there is one intelligent person in our group...let's go to him un...and hope he won't kill us..."

* * *

"A tape?" Itachi's eyebrow raised up as he looked at the two.

"Yeah un." Deidara held it up. "Here it is."

"IT WANTS TO KILL US!" Tobi yelled.

Itachi sighed. "How can an inanimate object kill you? I think you both had more than enough of your share of horror movies."

"NO! BELIEVE TOBI! SCARY WITCH GONNA KILL US! WATCH!" Tobi pushed in the tape through the recorder and pressed on play.

Itachi stared unblinking at the tv and then when it ended, turned to them. He opened his mouth to say something but then the phone rang. He picked it up and listened.

Deidara and Tobi waited anxiously as Itachi kept the phone back down and back to them. "I will help you." He stated.

"YAY!" The two cheered.

"But why...I thought you usually disliked involving yourself in these things un." Deidara blinked.

Itachi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose and the other hand rested on his side. "You already _have _involved me in this. I will die in seven days and I doubt I will battle with Sasuke in a week."

"Oh that's right un..." Deidara blinked.

Itachi sighed again. "First, we will re watch the tape in slow motion to see if there are any messages."

"Already did un." Deidara said.

"Then we will play it back slowly." He bent down and played it again and slowly began to rewind the tape. "Ah...an island...DEIDARA! NOTE IT DOWN!"

Deidara took up a piece of paper and noted down 'An island' on it.

"Dead horses."

"Dead horses un..." He noted it down. Then he looked up. "WHAT?"

"Come Deidara. We are going to the library. Wake Tobi up." Itachi walked out of the room gracefully. Deidara shuddered.

'Dang he's creepy un...' then he looked back Tobi. "WAKE UP!"

Tobi was on Itachi's beanie, snoring his head off.

Knowing Itachi would Amaterasu or genjutsu him to outer space if he blew anything up, he grabbed Tobi's collar and dragged him out.

* * *

**Yes I know this is short. But there will be several more chapter based on this. So bear with me. XD  
**


	10. The Tape: ENDING!

**SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY! I was in my exams soo...yeah...I was...busy. ENJOY TEH STORY SEAHORSES! ^^  
...and humans.**

* * *

"So you are saying...that this person who is calling maybe...DEAD?!" Deidara felt his eyes twitch.

"You heard me correct." Itachi sipped at his green tea and took a bite of dango.

"How can she be dead?!"

"It says so right here..." Itachi pointed to the newspaper.

"THAT'S HARDLY VALID!"

"Newspapers don't lie. They don't have a mouth."

"THEY- wait what?" Deidara stared at him.

"WE ARE BEING HAUNTED BY A GHOOOOOOOOOOOOST!" Tobi screamed running around once more. The other two ignored him.

"So we spent the whole days searching for this crap which won't help us!" Deidara flung all the papers off the desk.

"We still got 2 days left." Itachi said quietly.

"I'M GOING TO DIE!" Deidara and Tobi continued to cry. Itachi stared at the two quietly before standing up and dialing someone.

"Hello...yes...come back to the hideout. This is an emergency. Two days? Got it. Perfect." He hung up. "That's the best we can do for now."

"FOR NOW!?" Deidara yelled.

"Shut up woman."

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!"

Tobi stared at his senpai, finally stopping his screaming. "So you ARE a girl?"

"NO!" the blond turned to Itachi once more. "Aren't you even remotely concerned?! Hello!?"

"I have no concerns. I will Tskyomi her to another dimension or Amatersu her to nothing." Itachi continued sipping at his tea.

"Then...why are you helping us...?"

"It amuses me to see you two running around screaming."

"SADIST!"

"Not quite. You should get your vocabulary corrected. May I suggest you refer to the dictionary-"

"Oh come on..." Deidara plopped down on the chair again. "Say why don't we try going to that island mentioned here? It could help!"

"I doubt we could find anything of gain there except useless information concerning about said phantom's past." Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"...oooohh...kaaaay..." Deidara looked back at the newspapers. "So what do we do?"

"Nothing."

"NOTHING!?"

"Nothing."

"Tobi hungry."

"Go to the kitchen and eat." Itachi sighed. Tobi jumped up and ran. Deidara couldn't help but try keep his eye from twitching. This was completely ridiculous...

* * *

TWO...DAYS...LATER...

* * *

The whole of Akatsuki were gathered round to watch the movie "2012" in the leader's office. (On the large flat screen tv...HOW DID TECHNOLOGY EXIST THEN ANYWAY?!)

The leader was laughing manically...which was frighteningly disturbing to most of the akatsuki members. He cried when some random part of America went down, saying he was going to conquer that place.

But then, after being reminded by Itachi that the movie wasn't real, he calmed down.

Then, right in the middle of the movie, the screen went static.

"HEYYYYY!" The leader jumped up and started hitting the screen. "COME ON I'M MISSING THE SHOW!"

"I'M NOT PAYING FOR ITS REPARMENT!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Look at that.." Itachi squinted then. What showed on the screen was...a picture of a well.

"What the ****?" Hidan muttered as someone with very long hair began to climb out of it and walk towards the screen. They all watched, mesmerized. And then..

"HOLY JASHIN!" Hidan screamed as the head popped out of the screen. "Oh it's you." He grinned as everyone stared weirdly at him. "What? She's my sacrificial partner!"

"SO THATS WHAT UN!" Deidara screamed.

The door burst open then.

"KONAN?!" They said.

The blue haired female just walked to the tv and faced it towards the window just as the woman climbed out. They heard a scream and then...a crash.

Everyone gathered out of the window to see her in the open thrash can below. They watched as the trash man picked the can up and emptied it into a shredder sort of thing.

"...Disturbing." Itachi muttered as Tobi fainted. Hidan screamed and jumped after the woman yelling 'MY SACRIFICIAL PARTNER!' and was shredded to pieces. Kakuzu started yelling at Hidan about how he was never going to fix him again.

"Back to the show!" The leader screeched and turned the tv on once more.

Deidara just sat there, twitching.

* * *

**SOOOOOOO SORRY FOR THE RANDOM ENDING! But then I'm busy in school still sooo...yeah. Starting from this new more adventerous stuff will be coming I promise you! ENJOY!**


	11. Of truth or dare and random talking

**Hello my lovely readers and fans! So sorry I haven't updated in such a long time. One was because I was extremely busy with school and the other was because my laptop broke down. And now both are sort of fixed so I am BACK to updating!  
**

**Honestly, I have no idea where this fic is going. So I guess its going to remain random with no specific plot. I don't even have an ending for it... the ending though, will probably be some idiotic scene in the sunset near the ocean while looking towards the next day and shedding wriggly tears...  
**

**Anyhow, ENJOY! ^^  
**

* * *

It was a fine day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, the wind was blowing, the trees were sighing, the grass was...being grass. Being stomped on by a masked person, as he ran around, trying to evade several explosions that were aimed at him by his oh-so beloved senpai.

"DIE TOBI!"

**BOOM.**

A pretty little blue bird that was chirping a while ago was gone and bits of feathers floated down in place. May it rest in peace.

"SENPAI I DIDN'T MEAN ITTTT!" The lollipop masked boy tried to calm his angry blond teammate down as he continued to dodge and jump to avoid being blown to death. Being blown to death, according to Itachi would be, having all his internal organs and external limbs strewn all over the place in the pool of blood while his senpai laughed evilly. And Tobi did NOT want that.

What did the kid do to make that terrorist bomber so mad?

"TOBI I TOLD YOU _SPECIFICALLY, _**NOT **TO TOUCH MY _HAIR!_ AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU MESSED UP MY PONYTAIL UN!"

"I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYY!"

Meanwhile, sitting under a tree were the rest of the Akatsuki members with the exception of the great Pein himself, relaxing and watching the scene...while eating popcorn.

"This is better than television any day." Kisame snickered.

"Of course." Kakuzu huffed. "Television costs money! It causes eye problems, especially to Itachi and I have to pay for you guys hospital bills as well as the actual electricity bill!"

"Oh get a grip you miser." Konan rolled her eyes, irritated. "If we go broke I'll go rob another bank. Happy?"

At times like this, Kakuzu was grateful that the blue haired woman was in Akatsuki...even though he still hated her with a vengeance.

"This is ********* boring." Hidan muttered.

"Not really." Kisame grinned wider. "TOBI! THERE'S A LANDMINE UNDER THERE!"

Deidara yelled a couple of curses as Tobi narrowly escaped from the bomb that would have otherwise caused deep lacerations and burns if not for instant death. Like the poor little blue bird.

"..." Itachi just continued staring at them without a word.

Konan stared at each one of them carefully before, the most _brilliant _idea popped into her head. No, not pop. It was carefully planned. Konan's ideas do not POP. As in pop goes the weasel.

Weasel...like Itachi. Weasel meant Itachi. Therefore Itachi was equal to Itachi. Pop goes Itachi.

"POP GOES ITACHI!" Konan yelled.

Itachi felt his eye twitch furiously as everyone burst out laughing. He was definitely _not _amused.

"I do not find amusement in you using my name's meaning in replacement of a childish nursery rhyme." He said blankly, staring at her. Konan rolled her eyes.

"Oh hush killjoy." She grinned. "I got the most _awesomest _idea!"

"Awesomest is not a word." the Uchiha said deadpanned.

"NOW IT IS!" Konan screeched, making his ears hurt. As well as everyone else's. Poor Itachi was going to need a hearing aid as well as eye surgery...

"Anyhow." She huffed before the grin made the way to her face again. "Let's play a _game_."

"Like that creepy guy in that movie with a clown mask who kidnaps people and goes 'lets play a game?'" Kisame asked.

"Nop!" She grinned.

"Depends on which type of game it is." Itachi stated dryly. The genius was NOT fond of games. Oh he certainly was not. Uchiha don't play _games._ They were elite shinobi who were raised to become famous killers from cradle and-

"Truth or dare."

...play truth or dare.

"ALRIGHT! LET'S PLAY ******* TRUTH AND ******* DARE!"

"...Do you _have _to use those words in _every _sentence?" Kakuzu asked quietly.

"YES YOU MOTHER******* *******!"

"TOBI WANNA PLAY TRUTH OR DARE!"

Kisame raised an eyebrow. "Where is Deidara?"

"I gave him a sparkly pink hairband so senpai forgave me~! TOBI A GOOD BOY!" The masked boy did a ridiculous turn around and then clapped for himself.

"...Since when do Akatsuki wear pink hairbands?"

* * *

"Alright then! Let's start!" Konan announced as she bought in a bottle and sat between Tobi and Zetsu. "Now I assume you all know the rules of this game?"

"YES! TOBI DOES! TOBI DOES!" The masked boy began screaming once again, prompting his blond teammate to deliver a violent blow to his head and yell a 'SHUT UP.'

"...Everyone else clear with the rules?"

Konan smirked a everyone nodded and then, placing the green bottle on the ground, spun it. Everyone watched anxiously as the bottle kept turning around, each not wanting it to land on theirs. Their eyes nearly bulged out of their eyes as the bottle began slowing down.

And it slowed down to...

"KISAME! Truth or dare!?" Konan grinned.

The blue skinned man uttered a sentence of colorful words before he turned to look at the woman who shared the hair same color as his skin. "Truth."

"Are you a fish?"

A vein popped on his forehead. "NO I AM _NOT _A FISH! WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING THAT?! I AM A HUMAN SHARK!"

"Sharks _are _fish Kisame..." Itachi said dryly.

"NO THEY ARE NOT! FISH ARE FOR EATING!"

"A popular delicacy among the Uchiha was shark fin soup..."

Kisame paled and shut his mouth at once. Why did it always have to go to that?! At Konan's order to turn the bottle, he did so and watched it spin around. It landed on Tobi, much to the boy's delight.

"Tobi truth o-"

"TRUTHTRUTHTRUTHTRUUUUUTHHHHA !"

"...Tobi you realize you can choose dare as well?" The white part of Zetsu asked.

"Huh? We can?"

"Doesn't matter." Kisame muttered. "He already picked it. Okay Tobi, tell us, where are you from?"

"FROM MOMMY'S TUMMY!" he declared, making everyone fall backwards.

"NO YOU IDIOT UN!" Deidara gave him another hit on the head. "HE MEANT WHICH VILLAGE!"

"...Ohhhh...but didn't I answer the question?" Tobi asked innocently.

Kisame twitched. "Did you answer that on purpose or..."

"It's the truth anyway." The orange masked boy retorted, crossing his hands over his chest.

"...So Tobi has a brain?" Kakuzu muttered.

"SO F****** AMAZING!"

"Quiet down!" Konan sighed. "Tobi. Spin the bottle."

Tobi obeyed and they once again watched the bottle go round and round and round...and stopped at Deidara. "Well un..." he rolled his eyes. "Dare." He said before his partner could ask him.

Everyone grinned as they looked at Tobi. "Ne Tobi! Give him a good dare!" Kisame hissed.

"Jeez forget it. The kid can't-" Deidara started to smirk when Tobi did a very loud 'AH HAH!' in his _ears._ Before he could retort, the kid stood up and did the _GAI _pose. Which of course no one but Itachi and himself had the knowledge of. Itachi since he defected from Konoha and Tobi because...well you know the story.

"DEIDARA SENPAI! I DARE YOU TO GO SING 'I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROADS IN A GIRLY VOICE WHILE WEARING A COWGIRL OUTFIT WITH ONLY A BRA AS A TOP!"

Everyone froze. Literally. It remained like that for a good 5 seconds, before everyone burst out laughing and Deidara turned red in the face and protested loudly, cursing at Tobi and threatened to blow him up. But Itachi hid him behind his back.

"Now Deidara." He smirked. "You know you cannot back down on a dare."

Deidara could only curse and threaten every living and non living thing on the planet while flailing his arms around while Konan magically bought in the costume Tobi described.

"NOW SING." She grinned.

_'SING, SING, SING, SING, SING, SING' _everyone began echoing as they circled him. Deidara could only gulp huge amounts of air before letting out a shriek.

* * *

Pein was busy...very busy. Yet again he was planning on how to dominate the world. An ordinary villain would have given up long back. But Pein was no _ordinary _villain. Of course not. He was PEIN.

Right now he was trying to figure out on how to lure the Kyuubi container out of the village. Thanks to Tobi, his location was revealed. So now, all thats left to do was to kidnap the kid. Problem was, a perverted yet very powerful old man was teaching him. And getting in his way meant...death.

He shuddered. Good lord he hated that word. Even if he considered himself a kami.

As he picked up a document, he heard a high pitched voice that he could not, at first make out the words of. But then it started to sound clear.

"IIIIIIIIIVEEE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAAAAAAAAAAAAILROADS! ALLLLL THE LIVE LONG DAYYYYY!"

Pein twitched. What the actual hell?

"IIIIIIVE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAILROADS! JUSSST TO PASS THE TIME AWAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!"

He did not recognize that voice at all. Well, perhaps it was slightly familiar sounding within pitches. But then he had no clear idea who it was.

"CAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T YOU HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOOOOOOOOOWING? RIIIIISE UP EARLY IN THE MOOOOOORNING!"

Okay he had enough. Standing up, he marched to the door and swinging it open, poked it head out and screamed in the loudest voice he could bring up. "WILL YOU DUMBASSES SHUT THE HELL UP I'M TRYING TO WORK!"

Roars of laughter was heard and it was followed by a pattering of feet. Pein just shut the door and walked back to his desk, not bothering to think of who the singer was. Instead he focused on trying to plan traps to catch the Kyuubi.

He enjoyed blissful silence...for about 7 minutes. Before he heard an annoying song blast on.

"I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!"

Wait...was that Itachi's voice?! Widening his eyes, he sprang out of his chair, flew out of the room, followed the music into the front yard to see...Itachi wearing nothing but striped shorts dancing and singing.

The two Dojutsu masters stared at each other in silence, with the exception of the squeals of fangirls hiding behind obvious places. Then, Itachi proceeded to break it.

"WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE YEAH!"

Pein felt his left eye break into a series of twitching while squeals of fangirls overcame the noise of the song.

"What the actual F*** Itachi?!"

Itachi just picked up the radio and walked back inside. Pein followed him. "Itachi!?"

"Dare." He merely answered.

"Dare?" Pein repeated dumbly.

"We are playing truth or dare." He answered as he wore his Akatsuki robe on and proceeded to go to Tobi's room. Pein poked hs head inside as Itachi entered and watched as everyone laugh at him.

"Oh Pein sama! Konan greeted cheerfully. "Wanna play?"

"So this has been going on for HOW long?"

"A while un." Deidara muttered. Pein noted what he was wearing...

"Shouldn't you rather be...planning to take over-"

"Relax!" Konan stood up and forced Pein to sit down next to her. "Relax for once! Taking over the world can wait! Let's all relax and play truth or dare, a fun game that strengthens our bonds as fellow Akatsuki!"

"As if." Kisame muttered to which, Konan glared at him. Itachi merely spun the bottle.

"Zetsu. Your turn."

"Dare." He grinned. "I love dares."

"...Go kill that rose bush."

Pein was loving this game already. Sadist as he was. He grinned as he saw Zetsu stand up and drag himself to the pot. "Y-You evil...evil...creatures..." He whispered. "You...you..."

"Just ******* do it already!" Hidan whined. Zetsu shot him a glare before eating the rosebush. _Whole._

"Imagine that were a human." Itachi said quietly. "Quite a remarkable feat."

"STOP GIVING ME IDEAS FOR NIGHTMARES!" Deidara yelled.

"How can you get ideas for nightmares?" Konan blinked. "I thought you just have them."

"No, for some people with uncommon minds, they plan their dreams out quite well." Itachi nodded.

"That goes for me." Pein smirked. "With hardwork and passion, I dream of taking over this world!"

"My dream is to become the richest alive. We all in Akatsuki have uncommon minds so we have uncommon dreams." Kakuzu nodded.

"HOW IS THAT UNCOMMON UN?!" Deidara pointed at Kakuzu.

"Dreams are surely part of everyone's life." Konan placed a hand over her heart. "Maybe all we need to do is to plan our dreams out well."

"WEREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT NIGHTMARES?!" Deidara twitched his visible eye. "BESIDES WE WERE TALKING ABOUT SLEEPING DREAMS UN!"

"That's right." Itachi blinked.

As Deidara was about to sigh in relief, Itachi dropped a rock on his read. Not in literal meaning. But surely was one.

"How many of you dreamt that you slept with someone?" Itachi asked.

"EHHHHHHH!?" Deidara yelled turning red in the face. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"I ******* DREAM IT ALL THE TIME!" Hidan laughed.

"OF COURSE YOU SLEEP NAKED THATS WHY UN!"

"I've had several pleasant dreams." Pein turned a pinkish shade in the face. "And it's about a special someone."

"I wonder who could it be?" Konan looked at him with a blush.

"If only you knew..." Pein smiled softly as he returned the gaze.

"OI! HOW IS THIS TURNING INTO A SAPPY LIVE ROMANCE FILM UN?!" Deidara screeched.

"Speaking of which," Kisame crossed his hands over his chest as he turned to Itachi. "Who did you dream of Itachi?"

"Stop ignoring me un." Deidara muttered in between was was promptly ignored. Again.

"I dreamed of a certain girl." Itachi closed his eyes softly. "A beautiful, strong willed woman, with flowing short hair and beautiful eyes-"

"Short hair? In make up for your long hair Itachi san?" Tobi asked, interrupting him.

"I wonder if that is so." Itachi looked up to the ceiling, hands crossed over his chest. "I met her that day...a day I will never forget..."

_Flashback_

_Itachi was walking through the streets of Konoha, looking for an orange masked man. He was just about to give up, when he saw a dango shop. He loved dango as it replenished his energy.  
_

_Entering the shop, he sat down on a lone table and ordered his food. He was lonely. Time came long ago when he would enjoy this sweet with his brother. But due to reasons he was no longer one with his family.  
_

_Itachi wasn't cruel. He was a kind person...with weird thinking...and a little bunny named Chichi which he couldn't sleep without. _

_"Anou, are you alone here mister?"  
_

_He looked up slowly at the kind voice and widened his eyes. Before him stood a beautiful girl. He thought at first that she was an angel. An angel sent from heaven to appease his unhappy heart perhaps?  
_

_"Since there are no free tables...may I share this with you?" She asked with a smile.  
_

_"Yes. You may." he nodded and watched the girl smile wider and sit in front of him.  
_

_"I haven't seen you in Konoha much." She said quietly. "Though I have the feeling I have once seen you. Somewhere. I think it was long ago."  
She closed her eyes. "It was the cherry blossom festival..where he rescued me from bullies."  
_

_"I too...have saved a girl from bullies once. A girl about the age of my brother."  
_

_Could this be love at first sight? A coincidental meeting? One decided by fate? One that-  
_

_**ZZZP!**  
_

__"OI!" Deidara yelled. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NARRATING THAT?!"

"What? I just got lost in my memory." The Uchiha stared blankly at him.

"NO YOU WERE NARRATING IT OUT LOUD UN!" He pointed his finger at him.

"I wonder who that girl was." Konan said.

"She had pink hair." Itachi said thoughtfully.

"WASN'T THAT THE GIRL WHO KILLED SASORI!?" Kakuzu yelled.

"Sakura Haruno?" Pein paled. "The one who killed Sasori...the one with pink hair who took him out with a single punch?"

"STOP TALKING ABOUT SASORI DANNA'S DEATH!" Deidara whined and then went into a corner. "Dammit I give up un..."  
But Itachi was already in a pink background with sparkly diamonds and stars, a creepy look on his face.

"Sakura...what a beautiful name..."

"How come every time we mention Konoha we mention Sakura?" Zetsu muttered shrinking back a bit.

"OH! DON'T FORGET NARUTO SAN!" Tobi cheered.

"The Kyuubi!" Pein nodded and stood up. "Reminds me. I have to get working on my plans to capture him!" He walked off and closed the door.

"Why would leader want to capture the Kyuubi again?" Tobi asked.

"To take over the world." Kisame muttered as he looked at Kakuzu trying to wake Hidan from his 'ritual' sleep again.

"What were we even doing in the first place?" Kakuzu turned his head around. Everyone shrugged, not even noticing the lonely green bottle that lay in the middle of the room.

* * *

**Well that concludes this chapter! I hope it turned out ok. I think I drank something weird...I feel so woozy today. -_- Ah well till next time!**


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